From Alyson’s Journal
September 2, 2010
I’ve just begun doing what Kevin first suggested to me – going to the library to check out music. I picked out my 2nd round of CDs yesterday and I mainly brought home world music. Specifically, African, Indian, & Middle Eastern music. And I think I just fell in love with my first non-mainstream – very non-mainstream – group – Etran Finatawa. This music really resonates with me and I love their culture – nomadic people of North Africa.
This connection to the music made me ask why I think I may feel this visceral about it. I thought about my Arabic heritage and if this may be an outward manifestation with my lack of actual knowledge/connection to those roots. Then, I thought of what this music also reflects other than direct genes/lineage. It speaks of a culture I think I very much long for & crave. A simple culture; a culture of intimate relationships with one another (human beings) but also with nature and animals. A culture of movement and true oneness and connection.
This is a very deep realization for me. I think there is a lot to this. Lots of inner meaning to explore – connections to early humans, simple life, rough-rugged mountains, chanting, tribal connections, etc.
What if I follow these feelings? They may lead to dreams, which may lead to more revelations and a more clear path for me. Let me begin by connecting this to my food & Geneen Roth work. She suggested that “if you follow the love that you have for something you truly find beautiful & thus love, all the way to its end – if you start with the thing you find most beautiful & trace its perfume back to its essence, you will perceive an intangible presence, a swath of stillness that allows the thing you love to be visible like the openness of the sky reveals the presence of the moon.” This made me think of the things I truly love.
Here’s my list: hiking in the woods; watching a sunrise or sunset; looking down on views from a mountain top; Broadway shows; international, tribal music; massages; big, fresh, organic salads; scents of all sorts – all fragrances emitting from things around us; looking at old photographs from my family’s past; movies in the theater; John Cusack; George Clooney; roller coasters; laughing; the sounds of kids laughing; listening to music from my past; sweating; great conversation; playing games; looking at colorful, abstract art; reading a great book; the feeling after an intense run; pizza; ice cream; truly connecting with another human being; drums.
Wow! By no means is that list even remotely complete and I can’t believe how many things – simple things – really & honestly make me happy and bring me joy. Geneen says to follow these things to find my way, my path, my light. I’ll continue to add to my list and explore some of these things in more depth in future entries.
I’m going back to the music connection thing from earlier in this entry. How fuckin’ ironic would it be if the depth of my soul was inside the parts of me most “fucked up” – my issues pertaining to Dad, his family, my relationships with both, etc. – which is pretty much where all of my “unresolved” issues reside! Fuckin’ perfect!
Actually, this probably makes perfect sense. The core of who I think I am is strongly made up of ways of living/thinking which are practically impossible to follow in today’s world. Generations have passed of individuals trying to cope with this massive cognitive dissonance and disconnection between who they are & how they are forced to live. I’m the product of that angst – that unresolved conflict. Each generation is going to have an exponentially more difficult time figuring this out – i.e. coping. As life – especially here in the U.S. – moves further & further away from man’s nomadic, tribal beginnings, the dissonance inversely rises. I think it is reaching its peak. What will happen when we, as a species, get to this peak? Perhaps, evolution?! Awesome to ponder…
Had another profound thought…I think many humans in 2010 in the U.S. are simply blown away when trying to imagine a world of 200 years ago let alone 2000+ yrs ago. ‘How bored we would all be.’ I’m sure is the most common agreed-upon belief people of 2010 are apt to share. Yet, as I sit and listen to this fabulous group – Etran Finatawa – I think that when defining “boredom” specifically, as lack of newness, one could never get bored in a culture of art. Especially, in a culture of music, chanting, & artistic expressions such as rock art, sculptures, bead work, etc. Every single creation is a brand new, unique creation. There are infinite possibilities of combining sounds in music – an infinite number of combinations. By definition, nothing is ever duplicated or exactly the same providing for constant streams of novel sights and sounds.
In today’s world, however, significant segments and aspects of our society idealize & worship sameness and exact duplication. All, ironically, under the auspices of creating lots of “choices”, thus preventing boredom! I would argue that at our core right now, especially as an American society, we feel something the outside world tells us we shouldn’t be feeling – bored!! Outside world says, ‘how can you be bored?’ ‘Look at commerce around you.’ ‘Look at capitalism & globalization and all they afford you to enrich your life?’ And our insides are SCREAMING back, ‘Yes! We are fuckin’ bored!’
We value strip malls that look alike whether you are in Texas or Florida! We can go to a place like Chili’s and know that our meal will be the exact same at the Chili’s in Australia as it is in the Chili’s in New York! Seriously?! Our insides scream … ‘How can we desire and demand this shit?’ This is boredom at its worst. We want everything the same. Women must all be thin; men must all be ripped; things we own must surround us; same big homes; same boats, cars, toys. We push away those who seem different. We shun uniqueness and different folks when that is what we truly want!!
Beauty…connections…uniqueness…the miracle that is the infinite combinations of art & emotions & physical expressions in this world and the complete irony that we value the false miracle of technology and the toys and things in which it manifests itself surrounding us masquerading as beauty and “rich”.
What’s more powerful, rich, valuable, and beautiful than a unique creation and being part of that creation and the realization that nothing exactly like it will ever be duplicated? You would want that feeling every day, all day, and THAT would be a rich, successful, happy life. Yet…what we strive for in this country is the complete opposite.
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