I never believed anything would move me to the extent that athletics did for so many years in my old Story. But sports and fitness, after a traumatic college playing experience, stopped serving me positively in my early 20s. From that point on, I began using exercise to punish myself. For the better part of the next decade, I was an exercise bulimic that then merged into binge eating all partnered with a body image issue that had me abhoring myself physically from head to toes. My poor body finally got through to me in the fall of 2007 when a groin injury left me completely unable to workout. I was practically destroyed.
Exercise was my drug. No doubt. I was addicted to it and food and they were intricately related and together they were my best, enabling friends. My all-or-nothing personality had no idea how to deal with such an injury preventing me from the ONLY coping mechanism I had for the insanely lonely, unfulfilling, depressing life I had created for myself. I was literally and figuratively running from my own life and my body knew it. Finally, I could no longer deny the messages being sent. What I was running from had caught me and the REAL healing had begun.
I’m not quite sure how I survived August 2007 – January 2009. Truly. When all of this hit I was into my 2nd year of teaching 6th grade in a school and in a system that was enough to depress the shit out of anyone who was paying enough attention & had the ability to comprehend the mess that has become our mainstream educational system. On top of THAT, my body was forcing me to begin to deal with the severe, deep emotional pain that I had buried since childhood and how THAT contributed to my present-day life. I felt like an enormous fraud in front of those kids every day. I am so incredibly thankful for their beautiful spirits. THEY, more than anyone, got me through that year and back on this path I’m still traveling today.
In June 2008, I left the city I called home for 16 years (Tampa) and moved one hour south to live with my youngest brother in Sarasota. Things were about to get even worse as the ‘thing’ from which I was running – my past, specifically, the brokenness of my family that had never, EVER been talked about – was about to run me over like a dump truck full of cement.
The next two years in Sarasota would end up being an enormous catalyst for changing my life. EVERYTHING shuffled here. My perspective of the entire world shifted – dramatically. I couldn’t believe of what I was becoming aware. Namely…that there were BRILLIANT, huge-hearted, amazing people living lives completely differently than what I believed was even possible. I didn’t know. As silly as it sounds, this mainstream girl had no clue!!
I had no clue that there was more out there to create than just waking up and going to play the bull shit games that surrounded me in EVERY fuckin’ job I ever had. All I had ever wanted to do was DO! I just wanted to contribute to the world with all the gifts and ideas that I had within me without all the red tape, regulations, limitations, money concerns, and ego games that I found as prevalent in the non-profit world as the for-profit world. I couldn’t compromise myself to the extent that I was any longer and what I believe I had known since I was young was now becoming very clear – I was going to need to create this sort of work for myself. The inspiration, the courage and the strength to begin to see all of this and make the necessary choices to change my life ALL came from the people I met and the experiences I had in Sarasota from June 2008-June 2010. Most notably…from my own brother’s example.
This part of my story is what led me home…to the hornet’s nest…back to Michigan. I HAD to face all my dark…all my demons head on in the place where it was all rooted. I needed to do this before I moved to my new home, Seattle. So…on July 7, 2010, at exactly 3:00pm, I arrived back home and the most incredible, personal world-changing year of my life had officially begun.
During this ‘healing year’ (10 months in MI), among other things, I rediscovered my musical capabilities and found the desire to express myself in this manner – through painting, dancing, and singing – far surpassing any other desire. The more I allowed myself to just stop thinking, analyzing, and fearing and instead to explore these new ways of processing my life without ANY judgement…the more free I felt. It was as if I was coming alive again. And I never thought that would happen. I truly never believed I would ever be as happy as I was in 8th grade. And here I was…at 35 years old…feeling on top of the world simply because I found inner peace and real, lasting happiness again.
I was an incredibly happy, super gifted, hugely positive kid through 8th grade and most of 9th grade. In middle school, I wasn’t afraid of ANYTHING and I was a leader in EVERYTHING. And I was this way naturally. THAT is my true spirit in this life. However, this was a great deal to handle in my home. Correlating exactly with my increased participation in any activity that I could do, was a quickly changing home environment. I was no longer seen as the super responsible adult-in-a-kid’s body helping my single mom run a home and raise my younger brothers. I was turning into a selfish, spoiled teenager. Yet…I wasn’t. And I knew I wasn’t. I was a good kid. In fact, I was a GREAT kid. But I didn’t know how to listen to my own Voice. I didn’t even know how to listen to the voices of the very, very few in my life who also knew that I wasn’t the person I was being told I was. All I could hear were the voices of the ones I loved the absolute most…my family. And thus…the torture within myself began. And my very, VERY bright light began to dim.
I was born into this life to be insanely energetic, ridiculously happy, extremely idealistic & hopeful and to lead. In some way, shape or form, I have been meant to lead in BIG ways with THIS energy. That is what I came here to do and finally…23 years later, I’ve rediscovered the super hero that is within ALL of us. ‘Super Noon’ is back and she is only just beginning. This is where my spirit left off at 14 and although it’s been quite dark for 20+ years, I’ve learned the most valuable lessons in the world. I’ve had the absolute best training and preparation quite literally in the WORLD for the work I am now ready to do. I have nothing but 100% gratitude and appreciation for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that has been a part of my life up until this point. But most especially, for my immediate family.
Jeff, Andrew, Dad, and Mom…I know we all have only ever been doing as best we can. I know we have never, ever intended to hurt one another as much as we have. I love you all so very, very much. And I thank you all from the depths of my soul for being exactly who you all are and loving me in the ways that you have been able to do so over all these years. Now…NOW, I am ready to put it all together and to follow my own Voice.
And to everyone else, these musical stories are only the beginning. I will be assembling ‘pieces’ combining my podcasts, written blog entries, and videos from the past 10 months as well. These works of art are essentially the sharing of my story AND of so many of my ideas of how we can create a completely new Earth are about to be released here on my first website, my soon-to-be announced 2nd website and on my YouTube channel. All leading up to November 10th when I will begin a speaking (perhaps much more) tour doing much of the same, only in person when the energy is even more profoundly experienced and spread.
I invite you to listen along and see where the familiar (and not-so-familiar) songs take you on your own journey. My intentions with these performances include:
And I suppose one final note should be made. Relating again more so to the music than to my video, audio, and written work…I have had ZERO experience. Prior to April, I never recorded a song or even sang in front of anyone (save 5th grade when I was the lead role, Mrs. Claus, in a Christmas play at school). I hadn’t rocked out dancing in front of others since 8th grade. And I have never drummed except for in my mind. This is pure desire and allowing the greater-than-us energy to come through me and fuel that desire. I am creating my musical future and it has ALL resulted from my own Personal Awakening story.
The Global Awakening is real. ANYONE out there can do what I have done if they so choose. If you have something calling you that is NOT your present day life…follow my lead. You can do it! One day at a time. One small step a day is all it takes. And tons of love and positivity. We all have a choice. I’ve made mine. I will never turn my back on love again. It is ALL about the energy of love. It is changing the world and you too can be a part.
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