Up until age 35, I held the belief that money was the absolute root of all evil in our world. Simultaneously, I believed that money – and ample sums of it – was essential to change the world on a large scale, which is all I’ve ever dreamed of doing. Wanna talk about sending out mixed messages? How in the heck was I ever going to obtain these large sums of money to change things when at my core I still believed it was evil? The short answer? I wasn’t.
I had to lose the chip on my shoulder regarding money that I had held for so many years. The pissed off attitude that I didn’t have it but felt I deserved it. I not only deserved it based on all the “regular” qualifications – education, intellect, work ethic, responsibility, etc – but I believed I was entitled to something for all the pain of my past. I had survived so much that was a result of my childhood – a time that was not in my control. I had faced so much darkness and made it through & I believed that mattered…a lot.
This is why I became so upset when I first began to write about money and economics a month ago. Because that topic triggers my old story immediately. It makes me think of all those who have and all the many more who don’t. And that makes me think of how much all those who “have” are unaware of because statistically speaking, most of the haves come from a life of “having” and most of the have-nots have every obstacle in the world in the road in front of them making it extra difficult to ever become one that “has”.
I know how substantial the emotional obstacles were in my road. And I know very well the millions & millions in our country who have not only emotional obstacles but very real, much more powerfully negative, practical obstacles – like barely having their basic needs met. Like receiving educations that are so horrendous that they are only further set up to be taken advantage of with limited abilities of comprehension & logical thinking – and NOT because they aren’t capable of learning but because the lack of resources going towards these efforts is so substantial. I’ve never been able to comprehend or accept how many millions aren’t even given a statistical shot at reaching anywhere their potential nor that our country seems to have agreed to continue this massive waste of resources in our people.
And quite honestly, what was triggered was much more personal. I selfishly thought of myself and the lack of material wealth I possess. For that matter, the lack of material wealth that anyone in my immediate family possesses. Up until 2 years ago, it never made sense to me. We were such good people. Emotionally dysfunctional to be sure, and crazy amounts of sadness and drama but I never, ever doubted the goodness of my family – EVER! My family is amazing. SUPER hard-working. SUPER honest. SUPER intelligent. SUPER talented. How in the hell could it be that all 5 of us together had so little to show for all of it? How? We deserved more. The difference that we could make on a large-scale with our enormous bleeding hearts, our work ethic, and our intellect surely warranted more than what we had. How is it possible that things would work out this way? Not only did we not have money, but there still remained a great deal of happiness to be had too. Ahhh…therein lies the answer and the guiding secret to this new Game…happiness.
If you’ve been reading my blog regularly, you know that as a result of a 10-month, self-imposed healing time in MI 2 years ago, my perspective on almost every belief I had was changed. I’ve always known & believed that money was not the be-all, end-all, but by 35, I was tired of not having any. I was tired of trying to fit into an economic system that was so obviously lacking due to its ignoring of so many values held by so many people – namely, me! And rather than EVER consider that the system was what was screwing me up, I did what my habitual patterns from an emotionally dysfunctional childhood trained me to – I shouldered all the responsibility for this lack of being able to fit in. I judged myself & beat myself up, which only worsened everything. Little did I know that I was indeed responsible…but not at ALL in the way our present paradigm was making me feel responsible.
Money does not solve anything to do with your spirituality – your essence – your soul. You cannot purchase happiness, which I now link directly to my spirituality. You can spend money to aid you on your journey – on books, seminars, therapists, etc – but no amount of money will help you directly find your soul. You will know when you have located this inner self when you are no longer attached to any of the limiting belief systems of our present world. And once you reconnect with your inner self…that which is greater than us all and binds us all together…the result is nothing but happiness.
I was missing happiness. I was focusing on only the absence of all I wanted and desired without any awareness that in doing so I only perpetuated the continued lack of my desires. I was still seeking validation for my childhood pain and in doing so I was keeping alive all of the sad drama of that childhood. Every single thought going through my mind was one focused on something negative, including all of my beliefs about money.
Well, what if I told you that in the new Game material wealth followed automatically when your first concern was your own personal spiritual wealth? NOT religion – you can possess spirituality without following or adhering to the customs of any one religion. And I am not at all against religion. I am however, against the ridiculous, INSANE amounts of hypocrisy surrounding religion in our world in 2013. Religion, due to the influence of humans, has veered way off course regarding the ancient “truths” they claim to illustrate. I don’t care which teacher you follow – Jesus, Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, Brahman, Lao-Tzu, or the Earth itself – they are all communicating the same thing. And if we stop judging one another for long enough and cease the belief that everyone has to look at the world in the same exact way as us, we would see this glaringly apparent fact!
At the end of 2010, I dove into my spirituality head first. I read EVERYTHING I could. I was so ready for a new approach that I allowed my mind to be open to it ALL…EVERY single wacky, hippie-dippie, airy-fairy, New Age, old school, radical, orthodox, conservative, approach to trying to explain why the hell we are here on this planet. And as I wrote in Whoa! Hold The Horses! Part 2, “What I discovered was that the new approach of changing beliefs resulted in new perspectives, which led to new thoughts, which led to new behaviors, which led to new outcomes. And BAM! I was living the life of my dreams and it has continued to progress as such every single day since.”
Every spiritual book I read said the same thing to me and it energized me like nothing else. Something in each interpretation resonated as “true” to me – at a instinctual, gut level. It just made sense. I had all the power! I couldn’t believe it! I was responsible for every single thing in my life – good & bad – via my beliefs, thoughts, and focus. There was no going back. While I wasn’t yet fully conscious of tracking the process as I have been since May of 2011, I was definitely embracing my past like never before. I was eternally grateful for ALL of it. I finally understood that every single thing happens for a reason and that had my past not been exactly as it was, I wouldn’t be the exact person I am today. It was incredible and seriously one of the most beautiful realizations of my life. The dark was almost instantly lifted. However, I still had some pretty nasty, very old belief patterns to overcome. And I had quite a few that still needed to be identified. This was not going to change overnight.
These were going to be no easy patterns to 1) see in myself for no one else can know my deepest thought patterns; 2) to accept what I see; 3) By accepting, I must then admit that I truly am in control of my own life because NO ONE can control my THOUGHTS/BELIEFS but me!! 4) To begin to figure out how to change these unwanted, no-longer-serving-me-well beliefs.
This process would end up being the most challenging time of my life. Yet, it was without a doubt, the most amazing living I had ever done. I was living in my present for the very first time. I was no longer bogged down by my past nor was I worried about my future. I was living entirely in the now!! I recognized I had all the power & influence I needed within myself. It wasn’t an easy road, but it was & continues to be extremely empowering. And I’m telling you (soon, showing you too)…you cannot even begin to imagine how much our human potential is being held back by the very limiting beliefs of this old-paradigm game.
It is time to play a new Game!! You can begin playing right now – from exactly where you are. ‘How?’, you may ask? By simply opening your mind. OPEN YOUR MIND! It is time to open your mind and to stop judging & blaming anything & everything outside of you. This is the greatest Game on Earth – I am sure of it!! I’m also pretty sure that right now, despite only being in my second year of playing, that I am the Michael Jordan of this Game. Keep reading because you will VERY soon see why. This is it! This is the week it all comes out! Get ready to play!!
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