In this video, I discuss the unique role my self-criticism has played in my life. I not only have a life history of being my worst critique in “normal” areas – work, athletics, appearance – but also in the area of my beliefs. I was trained to look at everything that I was doing and saying in my life and to criticize it before anyone else could. I am choosing to see it now as positive in the sense of how that sets a tone of respect for the conversation. However, as I listen to this present day, post-Healing, it is obvious to me I spent 25 years engaging in this manner to head off what I believed deep down would be inevitable criticism. This was largely all I knew for the majority of my life…that I was never, ever good enough.
(Recorded on 7/22/13)
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In this video, I explain why I allow the tangents that inevitably take place in my talks…why I don’t police myself in this regard. Most generally, it is to help reveal the interconnectedness that is our living in this world. I also begin to speak about the limitations of our education system and how I am presently caught in my own web as I continue to break free from the old world paradigm of fear. Key in all of this has been my journey to self-validation.
(Recorded on 7/22/13)
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In this video I discuss how I have always believed that ALL beliefs are equal – long before this personal “awakening”. There is no better…only different & unique. I describe, quite specifically, how this affected practically every conversation in which I engaged. Regardless of even knowing what the other person/people believed, I always shared multiple other perspectives to excuse my own personal beliefs.
I engaged in this way because of what I observed growing up in my familial relationships and for how I was treated in the same relationships (most especially as I came into adulthood): believe the same or you are wrong. And if it was ever perceived that you were trying to be “better than”, well…the lack of acceptance (and often, associated judgement) of your beliefs/actions was even greater. I’ve had to apologize for who I am and for what I believe as Truth for me since the fight for me began at 12 years old.
(Recorded on 7/22/13)
I’ve had to fight for me for 25 years. I had to fight to find me and even when that happened almost 3 years ago, I had to fight to keep me. But the fight has ended. And while I tried to stop fighting as soon as I learned how unnecessary it was (2 1/2 yrs ago)…that is a hard habit to break. Finally…after 2+ years of being 100% conscious in my living EVERY day…living with more positivity than EVER – and I’ve always lived with WAY more than the average gal despite my deep darkness – the fight ends.
No more fighting. Symbolically, I lay down my sword and I remove my armor by ceasing ALL convincing and proving energies that dominate this externally-validated, completely disconnected world of fear that is the old paradigm. Now…from here on forward..there will ONLY be the ultimate energies of believing and trusting in the Truth that I know to my core.
Now…I allow completely and truly begin living in the flow.
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A “really real” recording. A VERY honest assessment of where I am today and how I got here. I only scratch the surface of what REAL responsibility entails – owning your life COMPLETELY. I speak of the biggest general mistake I’ve made – forgetting the most important rule of the new Game – not taking care of myself. The 2 main reasons for the precarious situation I find myself in at present: 1) I did not leave myself enough space/support for my Transition Story and 2) Due to #1, I made it much more difficult to not fall back into the extremely limiting and life blocking energies of worry and fear. However, no matter what hole I’ve dug for myself, I KNOW I will climb myself out of it. Among other things, I remind myself of my own words and I continue to trust my intuition – 100% – that has led me this far & done nothing but prove to me that all will be just fine.
(Recorded on 7/22/13)
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