EVERY time I hear this song I think of approaching the Canton Soccer Dome for indoor soccer games with the Plymouth Lightning team. We would be driving me down Michigan Avenue, and just as we approached the dome, all lit up at night and standing pretty much alone out there at the complex…towards the end of the song when it crescendos…the permanent image & feeling within me is that shining white dome & my super nervous feelings of my early soccer days with some of the most talented girls I would ever play with & one of the best coaches, Frank Carey. Today…the lyrics couldn’t be more appropriate or true. Thanks Belinda for an amazing song!
(Recorded on 8/1/13)
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Love…particularly intimate, complete love with another human being…I have longed for this since the last time I was actually fully present and ‘me’ in a relationship…10th grade. This video represents the short summary of why and how it has evaded me – someone with more love to share than almost anyone else I know – for all these years. My parent’s first divorce directly led to a complete absence of any sort of emotional relationship with EITHER parent from age 14 on. This, not surprisingly, led to very close relationships with many other adults in my world. Inevitably, this was going to lead to feelings of ‘falling in love’ with someone older and unavailable. When this friendship ended at 19, unknowingly I shut my heart down to this “type” of connection despite wanting it more than anything. After my healing year in Michigan and finding my way back to self-love, which is ultimately, the one Love, I am now ready for this in a way like never before.
(Recorded on 7/29/13)
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In these past 3 years, as I’ve transitioned from my old story into my new story, I have a completely new understanding of boundaries. Most notably, I have learned how necessary these are in order to first take care of myself emotionally – something that is BRAND new in my life at 37 years old. Drawing these lines for the first time has resulted in the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life, thus far. I believe this is due to finally understanding that I cannot love somebody more than they love themselves. I cannot “fix” anyone else’s life – no matter who they are or how much I may want to do so. But when you are a child of divorce x2 and you have spent the majority of your life witnessing the struggle of your parents…you don’t know any differently until your own life causes you to stop & analyze. I couldn’t see or comprehend ANY of this until I took care of the ONLY person I can completely take of in this world – myself.
(Recorded on 7/29/13)
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First of all, allow me to point out that when speaking of the fields of medicine and law in the beginning of this video, I meant to say OBJECTIVE and not SUBJECTIVE as I referenced the work done (generally speaking, as compared to other fields). In this video, I talk about how I believe our labels and titles are hindering our ability to communicate most effectively with one another beginning with how they affect us individually. If you have spent the majority of your adult life rising up and engaging in the world based on labels, it is extremely difficult to understand who you REALLY are and to see your absolute uniqueness. In places like hospitals and the military, I acknowledge the need for hierarchy given the immediate life and death scenarios at hand. However, in the world at large, I believe we need to begin to move away from our immense reliance upon these identifications. They have given many a false belief of being ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ and as such, GREATLY limiting how we can work together.
(Recorded on 7/29/13)
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