For most of my life, I felt something was missing. A big something. A sense of greater knowing. A feeling of true belonging. An understanding of what it is I was here to do or be. Up until 2 1/2 years ago, I believed the answer was to be found outside of me. After all, everything in my world had conditioned me to buy into this myth. And while there was a bit of romance in the seeking, for the most part it was isolating, lonely, upsetting, and confusing. That is, until my seeking led me to the only place where any of us can find the answers to whatever the questions may be…within.
I don’t have all the answers. Not even close. There will forever and always be WAY more that I don’t know than I do know. I don’t proclaim to have found the one, “right” path. There is no such thing. All of our paths are “right”. Each and every one of them. And I am not on anyone’s side. What I have found to resonate as Truth for me falls under no single category or label. I am constantly adjusting my beliefs in light of new information and as a result of new experiences. Who I am expands & changes, quite literally, on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. For all of these reasons and more I believe there is great value in my story. Why? Because it is super honest & genuine and always has been. Because it is a story (comprised of thousands of other stories) of massive variety and of extremities. And…because it is a story about love. Finding my way back to love.
Not by choice, but instead due mostly to personality, I have lived a life of complete extremes. All or nothing (and usually, it is ‘all’) in almost every area all the time – thinking, eating, exercise, communication, love, work, and play. Completely out of balance for the better part of 30 years with no awareness and certainly no understanding of why I was doing this to myself. At least, not until I stopped and gave myself the time and space to try to see & understand why I had become the person that I was at 34 1/2 years old. I made this decision not as part of some brilliant, organized, master plan but instead, out of desperation. I was desperate to change what had become my exhausting, mostly unhappy, story. And I was determined to do so before I relocated to Seattle two years ago.
I knew I was in search of something but I didn’t know what. And how in the hell could I know when I reached “it” if I couldn’t identify what “it” was? What I did know, for a personal fact, was that chasing some new achievement to bring me fulfillment and/or answers was no longer desirable. In fact, it never had been. Not at all. I realized it not only had to be a new approach, but it had to be radically new. In my life in 2010, I couldn’t have done anything more radical than what I did. I stopped working – completely. I decided to live off of & was prepared to deplete my savings. And…I consciously choose to go home to Michigan to live for the first time since age 18. It was time to stop running and face all that my life had become…head on.
I wasn’t setting out on a mission to blame anyone. I wasn’t seeking revenge. I wasn’t looking to be rescued. All I wanted was an understanding of who I was and why I was that way. How could I change if I wasn’t fully clear on what was driving my present day behaviors and decisions? How could I alter habits if I wasn’t even aware of them or how they were limiting me and continuing to damage me? My intent was only to heal myself in order to be the best person I was capable of being. Because I knew I was falling way short of that person and had been for far too long. Enough was enough.
Believe me when I tell you that this is a story of taking FULL responsibility for one’s own life. I didn’t know I had the power to change my own story. Without being aware of doing so, I had given away to everyone else the responsibility for my happiness. The silliest, most foolish thing in the world to do. But in our world and in the present paradigm, we have all been conditioned to do this in every area of our lives, so it’s an easy mistake to make. Now that I held the knowledge, however, that I indeed create my own reality, there was no way I could go on living at all in the same manner in which I had been.
I had taken control back of my own life but only with my perspective on everything having changed. As such, my entire life changed…dramatically. And it hasn’t stopped. I’ve experienced more change in the past 2 years than all the change combined together from my previous 15 years of life. But there is a new constant in the equation of my life. Now, there is only one person I hold responsible for my happiness and contentment in life…me. We are the only ones that create the happiness we desire in our lives. Nothing has been more challenging than to accept this universal fact & come face-to-face with all of my old, negative, life-limiting habits & belief patterns that were blocking my path to this highly sought after, elusive-for-most-of-my-life, prolonged happiness. I haven’t known more beauty or richness in life than I’ve experienced these past two years. I also haven’t known more pain.
Taking care of myself first – looking out for my emotions first ahead of everyone else’s – this was something brand new for me. Brand new. I had most definitely found what I was looking for – no doubt it. But I didn’t know what came next. Of course I didn’t know what came next!! I’ve never before made it this far! I can honestly say that I never even imagined what life would look like once I was no longer seeking. I didn’t believe life could ever be like it is for me today – EVER! Which is a BIG part of the reason it never happened. You gotta believe. And once I did, almost overnight (because I was so ready for the answer), the seeking stopped.
So what was next? What comes after you find what you are searching for? What happens when you have (for yourself) the answer to life’s biggest question, of “Why are you here”? It’s simple…you just live. Well…it’s getting to the point of being simple. En route to simple has been a part of the story for which there was no way to prepare. None. But I’ve broken free. Last test passed. I let go of the railing. I’ve untied my boat from the dock. I am completely out there … just living … with 100% trust in myself and the intuition that has guided me to unprecedented love & happiness in the past 2 1/2 years. It is terrifying!
It is also the most exhilarating, magnificent time of my life! For those interested, I cannot wait to share the journey. Because even better than living this myself is watching others awaken to the same possibilities for their own lives. I’m a teacher to my core. NOTHING makes me happier than seeing the light go on inside someone. Believe me…this is a light you are going to want to have turned on within you.
To be continued…
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The second of two very old written correspondences found from my past is a letter I sent to my best friend regarding what, at the time, was the most difficult decision of my young life. Much like with my other find from early last week – my USF Honors Program Application Essay – what I write here is uncanny in its relevancy to my life at present.
Again, completely improbable that I would 1) have this with me here in FL given that only 5% of my personal writings from my past are here with me and 2) that I would happen to find it last week, after being here 8 months, as I was again eye-to-eye with defeat. First, just a tiny bit of the background of the situation.
November 2, 1995 – Tampa, FL…a competitor and an athlete to my core. A lover of the game of basketball. And someone who only knew herself as a student-athlete. But unhappiness existing at such high levels that I no longer could deny what needed to be done. Then…the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had to quit. For my own health – mental, emotional, and physical – I had to quit. This was to be my last day of practice and only me and my teammate, Amelia, knew it. Best practice of my short career due to no longer having any fear.
Other than changing the names for purposes of privacy, this is exactly what I wrote to my best friend.
November 17, 1995
Dear Bruce,
Don’t worry – this is going to be brief. I assume Christine by now, has given you the news about my recent basketball decision. You know, Bruce, I discovered something kind of crazy that can be applied to almost everybody’s life. One of the hardest things, by far, to do in your life, is to have the courage and the strength to act on and follow through with an action which both your mind and heart tell you is the best thing for you. You can get accustomed very quickly and very easily to a routine – even if the routine is something you should be loving, but instead is making you absolutely miserable. Having the title of a “South Florida women’s basketball player” may not have seemed that impressive, but it was something that allowed me to stand out over thousands of other students. By having the strength to step away from something as big as this, (and believe me…giving up a 5-year full-ride scholarship was no easy decision) may seem on the outside to be giving up a lot – a title, an identity, an honor – but, in actuality, I have opened the doors to all kinds of opportunities that I never could see clearly while caught up in my routine! Yes, it is very hard and it takes a lot of fearlessness. Sometimes I feel like a big part of me has been stolen. What I seem to forget is that it is that part of me that I saved from being stolen. It is ironic…I just signed the papers officially giving up my scholarship. Exactly two years ago today I was sharing my first contract with you and signing it! Now, I’m sharing the day again with you on which my life takes another turn. Have the courage and strength, Bruce, to do the best thing for you! When you take care of you and your happiness, everything else somehow seems to fall in the right places! I miss you – I love you!
Love, Alyson
Truly incredible. Wow! To find this now…to remember ALL that happened next in my life as a result of quitting…EVERYTHING changed. The entire course of my life shifted dramatically and I was the one that took control back. I took back my own life at the risk of being labeled one of the absolute worst nouns in the entire English language for an athlete…a quitter. There are no words to describe the anguish I felt as I alone wrestled with this decision. Because on top of this situation, just months prior, the most important friendship in my world had ended. The manner in which it took place destroyed my heart & crushed my soul. I no longer had in my life the person most responsible for guiding me the previous 5 years. At a time when I thought & felt terribly lost, how beautiful to see that I was anything but. I was the only one that could make this decision for myself and I did it! What is more remarkable is how and why I veered so quickly away from this confidence. There are just so many stories.
I also want to take this opportunity to begin to point out small, seemingly minor “coincidences” from my stories. Why? Because they are anything but incidental. The significance of this November 17th date, two years apart. The fact that of hundreds of copies of letters, I had THESE two with me here in FL. The timing of my finding of them – as I work to identify the essence…the core of my work at this point. And…how about this? Next weekend I am hosting a reunion of sorts with about a half dozen of my former South Florida basketball teammates.
I’ve had the gathering in mind for months but just reached out to begin coordinating during the first week of March. I found these letters after I initiated planning. Accident?! Absolutely not! This is just another example of confirmation & validation. I’ve been trying to explain this magic for almost 2 years now. My friends at Microsoft poked fun of me ALL the time – “Everything has meaning in Aly’s world.”. Yep! Everything has meaning in all of our worlds. And when you begin to slow down and take notice in your own life, you too will begin to understand the limits of our present world that are just waiting to be blown out of the water! It is truly time to let it all just speak for itself. I only need to continue to do exactly as I am doing. Living and sharing with all of my heart. This really is just the beginning.
Get ready for EVOLT!
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I have been a writer since my youth. I think I was 7 when I wrote my first story – “If I was 20 Feet Tall” – complete with illustrations. Pretty amusing since at that time I couldn’t have yet predicted how much of an issue my height (or in my case, lack there-of) would be in my life. I also have been a pretty heavy thinker since very young. I specifically remember a day in 4th grade social studies in Mrs. Boeve’s class at Farrand Elementary. Something about war came up in our lesson. And I remember sharing one of the only things I knew about war at the time.
After my parent’s first divorce, my mom took us to visit an old friend of hers on at least one occasion. She had to prepare us for the visit. As it turned out, while she was in college, my mom had dated this man. It was during the time of Vietnam and she told us that he was sent over to fight. While in combat, he was blown out of a tank and became a quadriplegic, paralyzed from the neck down. Without any further details explained to us, it was obvious that this changed everything between my mom and this man.
At 9 years old, I remember commenting about how strange it felt for me to reflect on this newly-learned fact. Of course I wasn’t at all happy about what happened to this man my mom obviously loved. However, I recognized that had that not happened, I wouldn’t be here. Had this tragic thing not happened, my mom quite likely would not have met & married my dad and hence, had me. I was 9 and I absolutely remember sharing this observation with my class. Not at all a kid with typical kid things going through my mind.
In addition to my sports, thinking, analyzing, and writing was how I coped with a reality I felt I had very little control over. I was never sentimental about things but when it came to written expression there was nothing I valued more. As such, over the years I have saved hundreds and hundreds of written things. Assignments, tests, stories, letters, cards, poems, etc. – both written to and by me. I often made rough drafts for all “important” communications. And seeing as I’ve been overly dramatic my entire life, I deemed many correspondences to be “important”. 95% of my saved materials are back home in Seattle but I did instinctively bring one file with me when I came back to FL last August. It was within that file that just last week I found two unbelievably relevant writings.
I would like to share the first of these today. Below, I will re-type word-for-word my University of South Florida Honors Program Application Essay. I wrote this as a 17-year old in the fall of my senior year. I had already visited USF on a basketball recruiting trip. Knowing my academic background, they took the initiative to introduce me to the program during my visit. After accepting their scholarship on November 17, 1993, I had to formerly apply to school, including the Honors Program (now the Honors College).
My less-than-great 17-year old writing capabilities will be revealed almost immediately. It is not for this reason that I share this almost 20-year old writing sample. It is for one reason only. I share to demonstrate that as kids, we know. Know what? Well, in my case, I knew myself a hell of a lot better than I gave myself credit for. I knew what moved me. I knew what I dreamed of doing. I found this last week and was actually a bit shocked. As I continue to struggle to bring definition and focus to what it is I am doing right now in my life, I was in awe of how it is EXACTLY what I wrote about 20 years ago. It was a spectacular discovery for me because it reassured me yet again that I have found my way back to me!
Without any justification, explanation, or excuses for what or how I wrote this all those years ago, here is proof that I’ve known all along what I’ve wanted my life to be about. As kids…we know.
University of South Florida Honors Program
Application Essay
As I have progressed through these past four years of schooling, I have become more and more aware of worldwide events, as well as grasping a better understanding of occurrences in our own country. And, as my mind has been opened to the wide range of differences in people, places, events, and thoughts across the globe, there have been many times when I have found myself saying, “If only I had the opportunity to change such and such in the world.”
If I was “in charge”, there are two main changes to society that I would make. The first, and most important, are the prejudices that people have towards other people. The saying, “never judge a book by its cover” is so very true, but in society today, there are not enough people who live by it. The world is such a difficult place to live in as it is, but it is made even more difficult because of the fact that everyone seems to be judged on outside appearances more than anything else – if one is male or female, black or white, rich or poor, pretty or ugly, and the list goes on and on. Because of these prejudices and the hasty generalizations that society makes based on these prejudices, people disallow themselves the chance for the time it takes to actually get to know a person for who they are on the inside. If this worldwide problem in society were to somehow be resolved and every individual were to be judged on the kind of person he or she were instead of how he or she appeared on the outside, then the world would be a much more positive place to live in and a place where more people were given the equal opportunity to succeed.
The second change that I would make would be to change the fact that in society today, one must have money to live a happy, prosperous life. The problem of money is on everybody’s mind who is old enough to understand the concept. There are the poor citizens who want and need things which they cannot afford, so will therefore, steal. There are the middle-class citizens who whine that the rich get anything and everything, that the poor don’t really matter, and that they will be stuck in the middle forever because of the government. Then, there are the rich citizens – professional athletes who cry about not making enough money when all they own are four cars, two mansions, a boat, a motorcycle, and millions of dollars in the bank! Society needs to be changed so that people understand what a fulfilled and flourishing life should consist of, and that is the people and life experiences in one’s life. If somehow the cost of living could be reduced to allow people to have something other than problems concerning money on their minds, then I feel people would be able to understand that money isn’t the answer to all problems and that money won’t solve everything. Instead, people could learn what luxury and value there is to everything around them, not including money.
I chose the change in prejudices because of my experiences thus far in life. I attend a high school with approximately 4,600 students. There is an extreme variety of people and I’m proud to say that I’ve had the chance to know many different types of people. I wasn’t afraid to associate with people unlike myself, as many of my friends were, and as the majority of everyone at school was. Every individual is allowed to be just that, an individual, and to create a life for themselves. High school is a time for experimenting and there are billions of different ways to live a life. No two individual humans have identical lives! This means that when the thousands of possible appearances on the outside are combined with the thousands of possible types of people one can be on the inside, there are billions of combinations and differences of people that can be created. There is no possible way that just by looking at an indivdual on the outside one can automatically know what kind of person that individual is. I learned over these past four years that it takes time to get to know who someone is on the inside and that that is who that person really is – not what they appear to be on the outside. Society needs to learn how to take this time.
The change concerning money being the source of happiness I chose because of one very special friend I have. He is my best friend, my companion. I could be the poorest person in the world and if I was with him, I would be the happiest person in the world. Just a walk through the woods, which doesn’t cost a penny, provides me with a good feeling. I don’t need to be eating a $200 meal with him to be happy. I see an excess of materialism in society today. “If I drive this great car, or wear these expensive clothes, or attend that high class event, people will look at me and say she must be so happy with money to buy all of those things!” No way! My best friend and I don’t need that materialism and I don’t think anyone needs it. People need to discover this themselves. Even if someone doesn’t have a best friend in someone else, they can have a best friend within themselves. This is a spiritual part of life that isn’t taught to kids and I think if it were, material things wouldn’t mean so much. And the greatest thing about my experience with my friend is that I could have the material things. His love taught me that it isn’t necessary. I learned that the greatest power in the world today is love. Each individual needs to discover that love with themselves and/or for another human, combined with personal life experiences, is the source of a happy, prosperous life. And only after this will one fully understand how little money can actually mean.
The people I have associated with over these past four years are what most influenced my choices. People of all ages are great! Each person I come in contact with affects my life in a different way. Whether it is an 8th grade boy who I coached, who tells me how much he looks up to me, my best friend telling me he loves me, or a senior citizen at work telling me he has never seen anyone with so much “spunk!” The world is made of people. Each individual contributes something to society, but society only sees the surface. Society sees what is given not who gave it. More time needs to be dedicated to getting to know people, not things. People change and live in the world. People need to be understood, not machines and contributions. Everyone needs time and experiences with different kinds of people to understand the true value of living. This is what opened my mind and made me see the world from a new viewpoint – a viewpoint from which I wish I could change just a few major things.
A truly remarkable find for me. Especially the timing of the find. I encourage everyone to think back to when they were young. Have you drifted from your dreams? If so, know it is never, ever too late to find your way back.
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I am intending to be an example for all sorts of new things with my company. But right now…right off the bat…I am going to be an investing example. It is time that we look to invest in an entirely new way. Investing more directly into your community – be it your actual, physical community or your personal friend/family community. Investing in people and their work in the now. Investing with a belief of a new kind of return on your money.
I would never contemplate asking someone to do something I am not myself doing. If the underlying investment philosophy of my company was going to be one of pay-it-forward, I needed to show how it could be done. As you will see in all the new pages on the website, aside from the money that I earmarked for my own projects, in the past weeks I have given away, as pay-it-forward investments, over $50,000. You may say ‘that isn’t your money, that is credit card money’. To that I respond that this is my money as much as someone claims to own their $250,000 home when they still owe $100,000 on it. Utilizing my resource of having exceptional credit, I invested $50,000 of my own money with no expectation of ever being paid back by those to whom I gave the gift.
Everyone to whom I have given money knows the deal…this is the new Game – here, we pay it forward – monetarily & otherwise – knowing that acting today is far more powerful than waiting for an unknown future. We are building a personal and societal net of trust with our gifts. Within this ever-expanding net, someone is always paying it forward should you or your family require something you are unable to provide for yourself. This isn’t about handouts. This isn’t about paybacks. This is about building trust in our communities again. This is about aiming to maximize all of our resources in all new ways and doing so NOW!
I believe we all can serve as our own individual stock brokers in this manner. However, for multiple reasons, I can understand why many, if not most of you, will be extremely hesitant to even entertain this idea. Hence, my desire and willingness to be the example. I am going to show you how people with a different set of values than what you see in the mainstream world will spend money. I am going to show you examples of unconditional love and trust at levels we rarely see in 2013. I am going to show you the immense value in slowing down in this world and truly living in the present. I will demonstrate that you can conquer the extremely limiting emotions of worry, fear, anxiety, and guilt. You are going to be shocked at the level of efficiency, how far-reaching these investments will go, and the magnitude of and speed with which you will see positive change.
Investing in EVOLT is done strictly through my company, Alyson Irene Noune, LLC. I am the company – just me. As such, I will be the main person and final say in every investment. You invest your money into my company, which then directly invests it into others. You are trusting me with your investment. And actually, I am more comfortable with asking you to trust the energy you feel from me, my words, website, ideas, etc. Additionally, you are trusting my ability to identify the most “worthy” investments. This assessment has some objective components but is definitely more subjective. It is a read of an entire person.
I have created the term, Energy Scout, to describe what it is I do (for part of my work). This is absolutely about energy efficiency. My goal is to invest in people who have the greatest likelihood of turning that money around and continuing the flow of pay-it-forward investing – monetarily and beyond. Right now, it is imperative to light the brightest lights…those whose are meant in this life to affect MANY with their life example. This is not to minimize anyone. But we all have different roles. This is what I was born to do. I know I am a leader. More specifically, I know I am a leader of leaders. Right now, I am scouting leaders to help consciously create this new Earth.
To achieve this and to then help others achieve this, quite simply, I need money. I am already doing it and will continue to do so as long as I can with my personal funds. There are already hundreds of stories that I could share of the miraculous nature of my life in the past 2 years. This “stuff” is for real – we are creating our own realities right now. You only have to change your underlying belief to one of infinite possibilities to free yourself completely from the extremely limiting world of fear in which most live at present. We are all powerful beyond what we can now imagine. I have lived this transition from dark to light for two years and experienced more beauty…more love…more magic than I coud have ever dreamed was attainable. If you are ready to play, I am ready to lead.
I am trying to get other very bright lights in my life (and there are hundreds of you out there) to believe this same Truth that I have discovered. Not at all surprising that the friends in whom I’ve invested first all live in Sarasota. These friends I first met here almost 5 years ago were playing a different game. I had been banging my head against the wall for well over a decade trying to fit into the mainstream world with very little success – i.e. happiness. Then, I came here to discover wickedly intelligent people living from their hearts first, their minds second. I was hooked immediately but I had a lot to rewire within my brain. And here I am.
I am back to find some teammates in this new Game for there is a lot of Light-spreading to be done in our dark world. There is no time to waste. I knew these friends would need very little convincing on the philosophical side. On the practical side, however, that was another story. How could I most quickly show them this Truth for which there are no words? How could I help them experience what I have experienced in the past 1 1/2 years? How could I show these already extremely capable individuals how much more powerful they are if they could somehow trust that if they follow their hearts…do the work they love to do as much as possible…and most importantly, take care of themselves first (as opposed to giving their time, resources, love, and energy away for free to the extent that they did) that the practical issue of money would follow?
I invested in them an amount that I hope will demonstrate the extent of my belief in these amazing times in which we are living. My hope is that the gifts free their minds to some extent to be able to just consider…simply open their beliefs to this possibility…that those who can maximize the hours of their day doing work they actually love, spending time with others living in the same manner and combining it all with conscious focus on positive thinking will be the most dynamic beings of love and Light on the planet.
I predict that by the end of June, if we were to receive not a penny more, me and my Dream Team will still wow the pants off of this world. If not the world, certainly our Florida community. One of my favorite quotations is from Margaret Mead…”Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” We’ve already begun!!
I will do this if left to my own resources but I would love the opportunity to change things as quickly as possible. I have a network spanning America and even in multiple countries across the world. My crazy life journey has set this network up and it is no accident. We are in one another’s lives for a reason. I am ready to connect the hundreds of unbelievably wonderful individuals in my world and all the new, super bright lights I’m meeting each and every. But, in 2013, it all comes down to money. I am ready to receive & then redistribute millions. I have been ready for this for my entire life. This idea of mine is simply that…an idea. It has a chance, though, if backed with enough energy, to really change the world. We don’t need all 7 billion of us to play. In fact, we need far fewer than that. I am just meant to get this ball rolling. The rest is up to ALL of us. What kind of world do you want to create for tomorrow? More of the same? Or are you ready for something different?
If only by passing along my website to someone in your life who you think I don’t know or better yet…to everyone in your life I don’t know…and talk about it with those in my life you do know because you aren’t this close to me as this all happens for no reason. Nope! Come on! Allow yourself to support me how your gut wants to support me, to the extent that your heart wants to support me, and to whatever degree you are comfortable. I would rather have 50,000 different individuals all over the world give me $20 rather than for one person to give me a million. This is worth at least a week’s worth of fancy coffee, is it not?
Time to take our games to a new level! Time for EVOLT!!
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