My last entry, Welcome to Alyson’s Old Story Mind, was necessary in order to demonstrate the fact that I am just like you – I am a unique human being, born with unique interests & abilities, into circumstances over which I had zero control. Those circumstances – i.e. the families into which we are born – GREATLY influence our journey, hence the immense responsibility of being a parent.
The beliefs and values taught to us, either directly with words or indirectly with behavioral examples, develop into very, very deeply ingrained patterns and habits. As a result, we become adults often with no conscious awareness of how little input we actually had on these patterns. We leave our parents’ homes, trying to build a world for ourselves, with no real idea how the wiring of our brain patterns, combined with our personalities, is about to translate into what becomes our perceived realities.
I was simply trying to make my way in the world up until 2 years ago. I was doing the absolute best I could but I was barely surviving in the sense that I was miserable & unfulfilled. The world around me did nothing to inspire me and in fact, only increased my levels of hopelessness. As I did what I was taught – keeping abreast of the news as an educated, intelligent woman – I only feared more for myself and the human species. How could this possibly represent the living that we came here to do?
What exacerbated my situation, as it turns out, was a very damaging, underlying belief pattern of comparison. One, that in this paradigm, and in this country especially, is introduced to us and encouraged in every area of our life from the moment we are out of the womb. In my home growing up, the direction of the comparison, however, was extremely unique. What I observed in most was the tendency to compare oneself to those who had more. In our world, we always compared to those who had less.
We grew up learning about the struggle of everyone else around us – namely, the experience unique to that of African Americans. I am eternally grateful for my Dad’s influence in making us aware of how fortunate we were to not have had those sorts of circumstances to overcome in our lives. However, this tendency to always compare our situations to those of the less fortunate has been one of the most crippling of all my beliefs. We NEVER took into consideration the relativity of the situation – anyone’s, least of which, our own.
I was living in an unbelievably stressful setting given my unique personality. I never had a childhood after 6. At 8 I was doing things around the house that most teenagers don’t even do. At 11 I had my first job with my paper route and at 12 I became the neighborhood baby-sitter, pet-sitter, and house-sitter. I was a very capable kid who was actually quite happy with all the responsibility – it was natural & fun and I loved becoming friends with all the adults & kids on my street. In 7th grade, though, everything changed significantly. I was finally able to begin playing school sports for the very first time.
I was in heaven immediately and it introduced me to the world of extra-curricular activities. There wasn’t much I didn’t do. By 8th grade I even entered the arena of politics as I became the president of our 1000-student middle school. There was no stopping this train now, but that meant I was no longer the rock for my single mom at home. This ended up being devastating to our relationship.
Mom didn’t intend to make me feel badly about getting a life of my own. I was aware of this even then – she was so tired all the time & was barely surviving with all three of us & a teaching job (meaning the work is brought home too). She had papers to correct every night on top of trying to prepare a meal AFTER a full day of teaching!! She had nothing for just her. She deprived herself of everything – namely, happiness – for her family.
I had helped a great deal managing the home until this point. Now, I was not only not helping as much but I also needed rides to/from practices?! Double-whammy! She was hanging on by a thin thread & I knew it. But I just couldn’t do it – I just couldn’t not live a life for me. The guilt that was at first only energetically placed upon me was plenty enough. But once I was verbally called selfish regularly, I couldn’t take it. It was unbearable.
Unbearable because as a child, which emotionally I still was, all you long for is your parent’s unconditional love & acceptance & communication. More than anything what I longed for was not the money we didn’t have. I longed to not hurt. I longed to not feel so misunderstood, so lonely, so unhappy – in my own family, no less. I longed to feel like I was part of an actual family. I longed for experiences with people I loved – especially, with my immediate family because I witnessed & absorbed all of their pain too. I knew I could never express this to Mom. I had already learned (via a lesson in 4th grade) that emotionally, I was on my own because she was on empty…all the time. To this day, I cannot allow myself to focus on this thought for very long. The magnitude of sadness that fills my heart is almost intolerable.
I felt her struggle every day & tried like hell to not give her anything more to worry about with me. And I was driven in my heart to do nothing but get out in that world as soon as I could to earn the millions that it appeared you needed to possess (and that I already knew I was capable of earning) in order to change things. My only goal in life was to ease or to better yet, prevent situations like ours from any other family.
Our parents do the absolute best they can. And mine were no exception. But, because of their own suffering & lack of awareness, they were incapable of acknowledging the pain I was living and experiencing. They discounted every complaint. If I ever felt badly, I was made to feel even more guilty because there were millions of people within hours of me worse off. The Catholic guilt permeated every orifice of our home. From the time I was consciously able to identify when I wasn’t able to get something I desired, I was made to feel guilty about wanting anything more than I had. This was all I knew for the first 18 1/2 years of my life. How or why would I do anything but solidify this belief pattern as I moved out into the world as an adult?
Kids just want attention and they want to be loved and they want to be free to have fun & enjoy discovering who they are in this world. If kids don’t get this – and depending on the degree to which they don’t get these things – they turn into adults with unbelievable amounts of emotional baggage to work through. And often times, you don’t become aware of the fact that you have a lot of shit to deal with until you are already committed to employers, home mortgages, spouses, and children. Then what? You repeat the same situation that you swore you wouldn’t repeat because breaking the cycle is really, really, REALLY hard. And it is THAT much harder when you don’t have money.
So, in a very noble attempt to create good citizens of their children, my parents unwittingly ingrained in us belief patterns that have debilitated us as adults. There was never relativity in the comparisons we were making. There was never discernment regarding the mass generalizations that we were being taught about the world. All we knew was that there was no way we could ever discriminate against anyone and we certainly were not going to be a part of any employment that was contributing to the proliferation of injustice.
Well, I had no way of figuring out my way in a world where these days it doesn’t take much to connect anything to some sort of injustice being committed. How does someone as bright & accomplished as I was exiting college end up stalling out so quickly in the “real” world? Underlying belief patterns regarding personal responsibility & money that were incongruent with the “truth” I now know about both.
To be continued…
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Regardless of the extent to which you are following my words right now, you may be asking, ‘Who the hell are you to say I’m not living up to my true potential?’ And one better than that, ‘Who the hell do you think YOU are to be making such an unbelievable, unrealistic claim as you are making with your greater-than-us “calling”? What are you some sort of choir girl, goody-two-shoes, egotistical, know-it-all jerk-off trying to wipe our faces in your energy superiority?’ Geez…why do I keep coming to this lunatic’s site?’
Thank you if your thoughts were less harsh but that is completely cool if your thoughts were similar to those above or even more severe. It is completely okay. Again, I can take it ’cause it ain’t nothin’ compared to the messages I told myself for the better part of 25 years. Here are some examples, just so you know I’ve already gone there with myself. There is no question, criticism, concern, worry, fear, judgment or other such thing that I haven’t yet already been asking myself about this entire journey of mine. And I did so for the majority of my life – from every angle possible.
I am not sure how to properly punctuate the stream-of-consciousness paragraphs that follow, so my apologies. Taking the time to look that up right now would completely upset my flow of thought and when you think about it…how ridiculous is something like this anyway? Makes me think of the many frustrating hours I spent in undergrad & grad school formatting papers into APA style. Not a judgment – just an opinion pointing out how much time we spend on something that does nothing to affect the context of the thoughts trying to be expressed. Allow this to serve as the first of many more examples to come. Examples demonstrating what I believe to be completely wasted energy (for there is absolutely no added value) that could be focused elsewhere and result in something FAR more beneficial given the efforts extended.
I digress. Back to the inner thoughts of the world of my past. The Alyson who was living (if you can call it that) in self-assessed 95% core-level darkness. These are the questions I’ve posed to myself over the past 30 years regarding this seemingly arrogant, egocentric belief that I’ve felt inside since I was 6. The belief…the feeling…the voice that has been informing me since then of the opportunity I have to be some sort of teacher for the world. These questions arose due to the necessary & valuable perspective I held about myself and about our world up until 2 years ago.
That was a world where I couldn’t yet see that this is all really just a big game. I was nowhere near the understanding of the operations of my ego. The ego, which was preventing me from knowing that something so much greater than me existed within. The ego, forbidding me from seeing the truth – that I am simply a vessel in this life for that greatness that is there inside of us all. These questions came from a place when I hadn’t yet learned how to get out of my own head and thus out of my own very troubled world.
Here we go…entering the old-story mind of Alyson…(written pretty much as straight stream-of-consciousness with very little editing, which is how my mind operated all day, every day for 25 years) Warning: foul language may be more prevalent here than in previous posts. Rest assured…after this posting, I will not revisit this again until the writing of my book, as I am not a fan of revisiting these thoughts & certainly not to this extent. However, it is necessary. For you to understand from where I am coming and also because I whole-heartedly believe that MANY of my messages to myself will be messages that many of you recognize as some of your own personal favorites. It isn’t going to be pretty. And I’m not sure how long it will go because I am intentionally editing very little. But this is the next logical step in laying this out…*deep breath*
Who am I to be thinking and feeling these things? How in the world, out of 7 billion people on the planet, could I possibly be one of the relatively few to be deemed to have the skill set, the talents, and the opportunity to make such a difference? Who made me so special? Why you? What did you do to deserve this? You know the family of which you are part? You know how much talent and intelligence is there and none of them have ever had the audacity to share such grandiose beliefs about themselves. How can you expect anyone to take you seriously? How can you expect anyone to believe you? You know you’ve been here before when you think you have the idea that is the “one” – the one that will finally free you from your crazy mind and your inability to find your way in the “real” world. You know how many people in your past have witnessed Alyson getting all excited again. Stoked about something else new in her world and believing this will be “it” – whatever “it” is to her. She is just crying the metaphorical wolf again.
And how cocky does this make you sound? How incredibly audacious? You know how much you DETEST any sense of anyone acting as if they are any better than anyone else? This may be the thing you hate most in the world – when someone actually believes that they are better than anybody else. Doesn’t the nature of your “dream” inherently translate into you believing you are better? What kind of person believes they are meant to be on a stage like the one you talk of? Change the world? I know, right? This is why I must be bi-polar. Because everything within me feels so intense & happy when I first begin something new and that intensity & joy is real and I LOVE it but I can’t find any way to maintain that at any job beyond 1-2 years. I can’t find a way to feel that fulfillment and to make a living. No job out there even comes close to making me feel like I am achieving what I am capable of achieving. So, then I feel like shit – worse than shit.
All I want to do is make the difference that I know I am here to make. I want to be challenged. I want to be busy. I want to be fulfilled. I want to see & feel the difference my work makes. And damn it! I want to be paid what I am worth too! I may not have followed the same path but it isn’t for a lack of trying!! And my path has a shit-ton of value too! If I had been able to get my crap together, I too would be earning mid six-figures and then I would have the money to escape and do what I want. Because I KNOW what I will do with that money. I’ve ALWAYS known what I would do with money.
But I can’t do this. I can’t put my time in this world to climb that corporate ladder that I know I am capable of climbing and sacrifice so much of what I value, including my happiness. I also can’t settle and work for someone else when I know how much of a waste of ME each work experience is because no one can see what I know about myself & what I am here to do. Shit! Okay…How else can I get the money? Because as is becoming more and more evident EVERY single day, the ONLY way to play this fuckin’ game in order to change it is with money. But I can’t seem to find anything that doesn’t compromise my values that pays me more than $40,000. At that rate, I won’t be able to leave this game until I retire. So, I must wait until I retire to begin living the life that makes me happy? To begin doing what I really want to do? How in the hell have we all agreed to this HORSE SHIT?!!!
All I want is to make the hurt stop. I want my hurt to stop and how crazy is it that my hurt will stop when I get to begin to get paid to help others stop hurting. And no…I am not doing it for $30,000/year! That is flat out wrong!! How is it possible that our world economically values so little the helping of others?! Why does all the stuff I value most fall under the non-profit category? I go nuts in the non-profit world – I’ve been there in a couple of job stints. That doesn’t work for me either!
If I have the ability to make lots of people feel better who will then go and do amazing things with their own lives as a result of feeling better, how in the hell is that not deemed as valuable as being a lawyer or a doctor? And no…I am NOT going back to school for another fuckin’ degree in therapy or social work. My life experiences have immense, immense value when coupled with everything else about me. How come I can’t just put all my skills together and do what I do best?
How is my ability to inspire as I did in my brief two-year public-school teaching career and the 70+ hours a week I worked to do so only worth $39,000? With a Master’s degree and 10 years of “adult” experiences. Are you serious? And you honestly think an appropriate explanation for that is that teachers get summers off? Are you kidding? If you have never spent an entire year in a classroom than SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
Why? Why do doctors, lawyers, and corporate employees get so much more? And then because of that of course they are going to begin to believe that they truly are better and thus their ways of life are “better” than those who are different. After all, they are at the top of the food chain. Isn’t that what that means? And really, all you middle managers out there are doing EXACTLY what I did as a teacher – inspiring, encouraging collaboration, teaching teamwork, providing feedback, and ensuring your “students” are staying on task. The only difference is the task. Inspiring young minds, influencing the citizens that they will become and trying to help them find their true voices – nah….that isn’t worth the same as giving you a $5 cup of coffee, I know. They are just kids anyway, right?
I know I can make a LOT of hurt cease. I can do that with all that I am right now. With my experiences comes understanding. And with my understanding comes genuine, honest empathy. And with empathy, people heal. I can’t seem to find anyone else out there that understands me but I sure as hell know I understand what a LOT of other people are going through out there because I’ve gone through it!
Not everything, of course. In fact, TONS that I haven’t gone through. But I’ve experienced darkness to almost the greatest extent possible. And in our world today, there are many, MANY more folks out there who have felt darkness than who have felt the light. In fact, as I was made aware of every day of my young life, there are billions and BILLIONS out there who are worse off than me. How can I ever justify being sad or being upset by not getting something I desire. Alyson…don’t you know how fortunate you are? Every time as a kid I tried to seek understanding for why I felt badly about something, it was completely invalidated because we lived in Detroit. We only had to open our door to see hundreds of people less fortunate than us. I am so lucky. I am so lucky. I am so lucky.
Then, how come I feel like I would rather just die than continue to try to figure out how to be an honest, genuine, loving person doing something that challenges me, that I enjoy doing, that makes an actual fuckin’ difference, and allows me to make enough money to finally begin to live life? Because I’ve been trying a long time now and I thought I had it with teaching. Until I discovered that all of the stereotypical adjectives I used to use to reference corporate America were absolutely applicable to my two -year teaching experience in the public schools of the state of Florida.
I was sure I had found a career that could allow me to morally sleep at night – something that wasn’t contributing in some way to worsening all the injustices of our world. Then, I get there only to discover the environment was one of the most toxic in which I ever worked. Surely then, I can say something, right? Because this is a school…the same games played in the corporate world can’t be part of this world. THIS IS A SCHOOL! WHAT?!!! Here?! Even here I find myself blacklisted because I stand up and state the obvious when no one else will because of how it looks to others & how it may affect their jobs. I couldn’t NOT say anything – this was on behalf of the kids, which is why we were all supposed to be there. NOT FOR THE SYSTEMS!!! The world is completely insane…everything is backwards…and I am made to feel like I am the outcast?!
What is wrong with you, Alyson? You’ve always been a little out there, you know. Go to another therapist…even though you know all the therapy in the world won’t work unless you actually are READY to make real changes. What else can change, though? What else can I do? I’m so confused…I don’t know what the hell I want/need/am. Take some drugs. No…not those drugs but the ones we pretend are “good” – Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft. Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol. Yeah… because all of those things help me hide and bury this crap.
The problem is I can’t stand any of those habits, with the exception of my diet soda addiction. What do I care that aspartame has been proven to cause cancer? The rest of the world seems to be ignoring the obvious – that all this artificial shit we are putting into our bodies is absolutely the root cause of cancer but the lobbying power of the insurance, meat, dairy, and big agriculture industries are pretty much unbeatable if you want to fight fair. And due to my truly amazing parents who raised 3 incredible kids, we have the complete inability to compromise our values once we are made aware of what is REALLY going on. In other words, we have no idea how to not fight fair.
What can I do then to run and hide? Ahhh…yes, I do indeed love working out and eating – always have – always will. Those are two areas that I surely can hide behind for awhile. But man, this exercise bulimia is exhausting as a coping mechanism and quite frankly, it is making me more insane. I am seriously going to try to live every day burning off every single calorie I eat? This is certainly a way I can find some control over something in my life but is it worth it? I can almost make this make sense but again…at what further cost? This isn’t too far a stretch because I really do love to exercise. However, from whatever it is I am running…I feel the need to go faster. It is gaining on me. I can’t slow down so I’ll just do more – half-ironmans – perfect. That is another achievement that makes me look like a bad-ass on the outside to everyone. Cool – bought some more time to hide.
Great…now I flippin’ hurt myself because you know, running 70 miles a week sounds pretty impressive but you can’t out run the forces of the Universe. Can’t do it. So the Universe slaps me upside the head by causing an injury that then began a whole slew of new stresses in trying to diagnose it and treat it so that I could get back to my running away. Huh?!! What? We can’t seem to find anything wrong. But it fuckin’ hurts when I run and I gotta run! Well, in my all-or-nothing world, if I can’t run, I’m not biking or swimming either. I’m just going to sit at home, watch a ton of TV, eat, and pout.
Screw it…fine…I can’t work out. Now what do I do? Since I feel like crap about my entire existence I surely am not going to spend any time with my friends. I will pick up one of the few remaining, extremely common, coping mechanisms to try to mask all my pain…I’ll eat! And eat and eat! Now, in addition to exercise bulimia mentality, a perfectionist personality, a body image disorder that dates back to 4th grade, and a severely damaged relationship with food, I can add a binge-eating disorder. Sweet! I am teaching kids about following their dreams & finding their truths while every day the lie I am living grows bigger and bigger. I am barely keeping my own shit together and somehow I have to stand in front of these kids as if I have all the answers? The hypocrisy of my life when I was teaching was in and of itself almost too much to bear.
So what do I do? I decide to educate myself more on all the injustices of the world. Awesome idea! Let’s get super familiar with our present day political system – how incredibly inefficient, corrupt, fake, wasteful, dishonest, and controlled it has become and not at ALL what our founding fathers intended it to be! And THIS is supposed to be the way to fix things?!! Am I alone in this world? How are we not revolting in the streets? How have we grown so complacent, so blind, so scared to admit what is so obviously going on around us! I gotta get out of this state!
This was 2008 and how I avoided a stay at a hospital is most certainly evidence of the immense strength I possess. This was the lowest of my lows at the time. I was dangerously close to losing it completely and then…I moved to Sarasota. And the healing process began. Things would certainly get even worse before they got better but the energy of the situation completely shifted when I landed at the farm and became the student of one of the greatest teachers of my life thus far. My entire world perspective was about to be blown out of the water!!
To be continued…
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In Leaving Poverty Consciousness Behind, I concluded with a pretty profound, far-reaching claim. Stating that I believe I can teach any individual how to best pursue their full potential as a human being. More specifically, that I can teach you how to maximize your energetic efficiency by way of your thoughts. Of course, this is with the assumption that the student possesses the honest desire, the willingness to listen, and the readiness to do the work. No small assumption. I assure you. And how about the manner in which one will assess whether or not these pre-requisites have been met? It is all about the energy.
Rather than being objective assessments, however, these “reads” on & between people are going to be much more subjective. We have entered an entirely new level of interacting with one another. There are at least two, very distinctly different “Games of Life” being played out in the world. The Mainstream Game of the Present with its emotional base of fear and its belief foundation being one of limitations. And the New Emerging Game that will be the mainstream game of the future.
This New Game has love as its emotional base and its foundational beliefs center around abundance and cooperation. Players in this New Game understand that we get to co-create this New Earth reality. Again, statistically, there are still very few players actually playing in this New Game. But the reason is not because they aren’t hearing the call. And it isn’t because they aren’t capable of playing the game either. It is because they are still afraid to heed the call.
It’s like when the guys first learned of the “Field of Dreams” that Ray Kinsella built. And I’m talking about the dead baseball players…not the living humans that eventually came to visit his Iowa field. The word spread and more and more wanted to come play. The word is going to spread about this New Game very, very quickly as a result of my company and everyone is going to want to play. I am ready to teach anyone and everyone who is interested and prepared to learn how to play – no matter where, at present, they are in their life. I’ll meet you anywhere in the river and help you turn your boat do
wnstream. It doesn’t matter how far up you’ve gone or for how long you’ve been paddling upstream. Once you begin traveling again with the flow, you will be amazed by life’s beauty & inspired to be more than you’ve ever been.
Exactly like the character of Ray Kinsella from Field of Dreams, I am only heeding the call that will not stop beckoning me. And seeing how I’ve never been happier, I’ve never experienced so many of my dreams coming to fruition in such a short period of time, and seeing as I am indeed a ridiculously capable woman, how can I ignore the fact that this actually makes perfect sense? As my life has continued to get more and more incredible, the voice has come more frequently, with a tone that is stronger, and words that grow clearer every day. Additionally, there have been choirs recently assembling around me – tons of voices are now part of the call. I will say again, this is much, much greater than me.
Then, I look at my life – my skills, my talents, my education, my intellect, my personality, my ability to communicate, my energy, my connections, my experiences, my adaptability, my creativity, my friends, my family, my immense capacity for love, and my 100% honest-to-goodness 30-year dream of changing the world and I’ve done what I can only logically do at this point. I have accepted that the answer to whether or not I heed this call is undeniable. I cannot ignore this – not this time. I ignored it as a kid because I didn’t know any better and neither did anyone else in my life. I ignored it as an adult because I had no belief of self worth – none. Anytime I came remotely close to what my capabilities would have allowed me to achieve had I been able to escape my negative, self-defeating thoughts of never being good enough I flipped out in one way or another or I ran – literally & figuratively. But now, I know better. I have been tested and I am ready.
I have literally prepared my entire life for this moment. This is the unveiling of a business plan unlike anything you have ever seen. A business plan for a company that is based in the new paradigm but that will consciously be playing in BOTH Games of Life on Earth right now. The awareness of & ability to play in both games is beyond any economic value you can possibly fathom. How much so? We shall see in the next 6 months.
Back to the fact that Mainstream Game and New Emerging Game are the two games I am identifying as both being played right now in 2013. There are people around you 100% aware of this universal fact and there are people around you who are 100% unaware of this fact. And there are people at every place in between each of these extremes. Chances are, given the statistics, you have no idea what I am talking about at a conscious level. And even in the remote chance that you are aware at some level consciously, chances are, based on human behavior, the majority of you are never going to admit this Not yet, anyhow.
Why? For fear of what others will think. We fear what we don’t understand and many of you don’t understand what I am doing quite yet. It is completely okay if you are feeling this – I felt it about myself for 35 years. I didn’t understand myself until my healing time in MI and I was absolutely living my life in fear of that lack of understanding. You will most certainly not be the first one to not understand me. I can handle however you may feel as a result of what I am saying. What you feel is what you feel and you NEVER have to apologize for your feelings. Never. So, no worries there.
However, if any of this has been resonating with you at any level…get ready. This is VERY early in the game and I’m assembling my A-Team. My Dream Team is already set – you will meet them via their talents/skills/personalities/experiences in just a few posts. But, I’m ready for the next batch of projects to begin early development. I’m recruiting my next team and their respective coaching staffs. Keep reading for you will know when and how it is time for us to connect.
Now, back to the majority of my readers – who, by this time, may have already clicked away. The majority of you are probably a bit lost, confused, uninterested perhaps, yet definitely intrigued. You should be. This is the best game out there. There is no doubt. This game calls for your best and rewards the BEST of every part of you. Not just the ‘work’ part of you. This new game values new things – TONS of new things! It takes EVERYTHING into consideration – not just the limited factors of our present economic/societal models. Anything and everything you value is going to be of worth and you get to decide it for yourself. It will challenge you like nothing in your life has challenged you thus far. Please try to stay with me. Please. Very soon, I will have visible proof for you folks for whom the words aren’t yet resonating. You will be able to see what I mean very soon. There is something in this process for you to be a fan of too. It is coming in the upcoming blogs.
We are all meant to come together now. ALL of us – with all of our uniqueness and with a belief that we all have different value – not better – not worse – just different value. In this new Game, we have the opportunities to create new combinations of those who work together on projects. We have the chance to do things in entirely new ways. We have the advantage of technology and great wisdom present on this planet. And we have the benefit of being able to learn from billions of unique life stories.
We can escape our bubbles and learn to trust again. It really, really doesn’t have to be painful or scary or annoying or upsetting. It may be those things at first because you are following belief patterns that don’t make you happy. But until now, you didn’t know any better – just like I didn’t know any better. But once you do…once you understand your immense power at making yourself happy you realize that you can learn how to make different belief patterns your new habits. Belief patterns that will ensure your growth, happiness, and fulfillment. Belief patterns that remove any and all limits from your present reality allowing you to achieve in your world like you never could dream. Achieve in the way that is 100% unique to you while working with others who are doing the exact thing for themselves. I guarantee you…this is a game you are going to want to learn more about, if nothing else.
The New Game isn’t about ego or about being better or being perfect anymore. It is about recognizing your true power by following your heart. If you have enjoyed tremendous success in this mainstream world, this New Game is going to be threatening to you. Feel that because it is a very real feeling, but allow yourself to explore why you feel that way. The world in which you have achieved “success” has steered you very far away from your own guidance system. Hell, for everyone – whether you have achieved material success or not – this present paradigm has trained everyone away from their own abilities to know how to trust themselves. Therefore it may be terrifying to even contemplate the sort of change of which I talk. But trust me. Until I can help guide you back to being able to trust yourself, trust me. Rather, trust my energy. There are infinite ways to begin to allow yourself to get familiar with this new Game. And for now, just remember…it is ALL about the energy. The unique energy that each of us possesses.
This is just the beginning and I promise that the posts are only going to get more exciting from here on out as I reveal ALL that is already in progress with my Dream Team. I invite you to stay tuned…I don’t think you will regret the decision to become an early fan.
To be continued in a few hours (I hope)
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I am indeed making my way towards the personal example of how I changed my beliefs about money & how that changed my entire life. In order for you to be able to best understand, however, some other things need to be explained first. Keep in mind that this isn’t my first book (the writing of which will commence in a few weeks). While I take a great deal of time to compose & edit these thoughts, this is just my blog – my public journal. This is me practicing. It isn’t yet Pulitzer Prize-winning writing. There will be gaps. There will be repetition. There will be confusing things that I won’t fully explain. There will be things I explain over and over when you wish I would just get to the point. There will be lack of flow. This is indeed practice. But it is practice writing very real information that I believe can begin helping others immediately if they are ready.
My first intention in beginning my company was to provide a basic foundation of who I am and what I am doing that was made available to the public for free. This is, of course, the website with the blog serving as the first “active” part of the business. I know my “work” hasn’t yet been made exactly clear. However, by the end of this weekend, Phase 1 of Alyson Irene Noune, LLC will be explained as clearly as I able to do with words alone.
As soon as this week’s string of posts are concluded, the nature of my day-to-day work is going to shift dramatically. Since soft-launching on 11/30/12, the main focus has been on the writing of the blog. These next six months, however, are about showing you what I have only thus far, been using words to describe. I cannot wait to share the projects already in motion but they are indeed what I am building up to in the posts to follow this week.
On that note, what I am beginning to open up about here…this is going to take a certain level of intellect & awareness to fully comprehend. That isn’t an insult or judgement of anyone – it is a fact. This is heady, logical, philosophical, visionary stuff and ALL of it is based in very deep spirituality. There are ways to communicate it much more simply and I will be doing so very soon. That isn’t my goal with this blog, however. Not so far. Thus far, it is an outlet for me to organize my thoughts & to do so without yet having to adjust my verbosity, the complexity of some of my material, or the level of writing.
I am one intense, intellectual, metaphysical, being who has been working full time on thinking for 30 years. Thinking, organizing, connecting, and remembering amounts of information & specific details that sometimes even surprise me. Yes, it was my main coping mechanism as a mentally and emotionally advanced kid. Subconsciously, though, I have known all along this natural interest & ability was somehow tied to my bigger calling as a teacher.
I now have complete clarity on what it is that I am meant to teach to those anywhere in the world ready and wanting to learn a new approach to living life. With the internet & technology, my students will come from all over the globe. And the most important part is finally settled – I am living every aspect of my own life as the example that I want to teach. This element had to be in place before the opportunity that lies in front of me now could manifest.
Everything is aligned and ready and it has been waiting on me to give it my full 100% belief. You will soon learn, there is a direct, positive correlation between the weight a particular belief holds in your life and the time it will take you to fully believe in its possibility of coming to fruition. With the big ones…like this one of mine I am about to share with you…you will need to ‘fake it ’til you make it’ for awhile. Which is to say, you must keep practicing the thought of believing it, even when you don’t yet do so, until it becomes true all the way to your core.
I’m getting better, but given my newness to such great levels of positivity, I still can easily revert back to the “its-too-good-to-be-true” belief tendency. I am still vulnerable to not being able to fully believe it when something I’ve really wanted but never experienced (i.e. a dream) feels as if it is happening or about to come true. I can tell you this though…as you see “proof” in your own life of what I am teaching, it only gets easier to believe in the mini-miracles taking place all of the time. You too will soon easily believe that nothing is ever too good to be true.
I’ve been saying I’ve been ready for months. And I’ve meant it every time. But at the deeper level of my being, I wasn’t yet all the way ready. Now, I am certain. ‘How?’, you may ask. There have been many signs in the past weeks of how but those are to be shared at a later time. Suffice to say, two days ago, the switch flipped on this particular belief of being prepared. I am 100% primed to my core for all that is about to come into my existence. And this may or may not include you in the next few days, so I invite you to keep reading.
The dream of mine about to become actualized is the pinnacle of what used to be my wildest dreams…in less than 2 years. All due to my 10-month “healing” time in MI, which shifted everything pertaining to my belief system & thus, my reality. Specifically, it was an 8-10 week period from mid-September through November of 2010. During this time period I read about 35-40 spiritual books. As a result, my awareness of my consciousness was raised to an unprecedented level.
I read books that discussed Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Confucianism, Paganism, New Age faiths, and beautiful Mayan 2012 books. I read books written by more mainstream spiritual leaders – Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra. I read popular books like “The Secret” and “The Power”. And all I could do was see the same themes in every single perspective I read. The same core beliefs were at the root of every single one of these different expressions of religion or spirituality.
All of them acknowledged somewhere in their philosophical foundations the following main beliefs: a belief in a power greater than us as individuals; the interconnectedness of all life; the belief of lack of judgement; the belief of unconditional love; and demonstrating this belief in the Higher Power with faith and trust. Demonstrating that you really believe even when you can’t “prove” it or “see” it in our physical world. It was beautiful. No matter what perspective I was reading. No matter how different it was from the previous interpretation I had just read. They were all saying the exact same thing to me.
In hindsight, I found exactly what I went looking for as I ventured into the bookstore on what would become the first night of this spiritual reading marathon. I had just unloaded a lot of baggage from within me so my spirit was much, much lighter. Accompanying the lightness now, however, was a new sense of emptiness. Something deep within me guided me to the spiritual/religious section of the bookstore knowing the material there would begin to fill my void of self-love and self-acceptance.
With the very recent elimination of a large majority of my inner, negative baggage, I now had space inside for all this good stuff. These books and specifically, the core beliefs expressed in such magnificently varied manners made me undeniably aware of the illusion of separation between us and the higher power beyond us. There is no separation. That is the great secret. The power is absolutely within each and every one of us. And with this new awareness, everything in my world had to be redefined. As such, it was now beyond doubt that I was playing a drastically different game out in the world.
I had the time and the space to heal. I had the necessary open-mindedness to change perspectives. I had the willingness & the intellect to put it all together unbelievably quickly and to apply it and learn from it almost immediately. I had the strength and courage to continue to live my “new” story after my healing time concluded. And I did so with a cross-country move to a brand new city and in one of the most challenging corporate work environments out there. I have been soaring in the sky since April 2011, getting used to things up in the world of infinite possibilities. It was a very bumpy & challenging, yet fascinating & incredible adjustment period. Now, almost 2 years later, I am ready to put together everything from my life and to fully engage, for the first time, in this new world. It is going to be a show you are not going to want to miss.
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