I am rolling out a business plan unlike any other. I don’t have actual empirical evidence for the following claim, but I am fairly confident that there will be very few, if any other for-profit businesses that are being “operated” such as mine. (Hopefully, this will soon change – more on that later). The unfolding of the foundational philosophy will alone take a few weeks. Then, there are my own hundreds of specific ideas, which include at present at least 5 different sub-business visions. Finally, there are the infinite possibilities that exist when I begin to factor other players into the mix.
Each day, I have a new starting place allowing for brand new ideas to form & older ideas to mutate. My business will continually change throughout its entire life because that is the only way to allow for the magic & power of the present moment. Don’t worry. This will all become much clearer as the next couple of weeks progress. In the meantime, the impetus for yesterday’s blog-writing surge was the experience of yet another intense night back home here in Seattle. This trip has been wonderful, but I have been reminded – again – that there is no way I could have predicted all that has already happened.
Two nights ago, I reached all new, unprecedented levels of one particular, not-yet-manifested desire – the desire to be understood. Wholly & completely understood by someone. There have been many times – especially since going public almost 3 weeks ago – when I’ve just wanted to be with someone with whom I didn’t need words. I longed for someone whose presence alone soothes me. I haven’t yet met that person.
Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely blessed with quite a few very close, amazing, incredible friends who “get” me on many levels. However, there is still not that one person who just knows. With whom my energy merges in such a way that it is just perfect for that time – if only, for a short period.
You may say, ‘That is your Hollywood-influenced fantasy coming through, Alyson’. And here is my response. A quote from Pablo Picasso – “Everything you can imagine is real.” You will need to be patient for the details of this explanation. Suffice to say for now…I have imagined this for 25 years and I know it is real. It may end up being found in one or in many people in my future, but I absolutely believe it already exists.
Back to my night of focusing on the absence of said person/people. For some reason, I was remembering how many years of my life (up until just 2 months ago) I have spent trying to get someone – anyone – to completely understand the pain of my past. The specific experience of my past for which this desire of understanding was greatest? The pain and lifelong ramifications of having my childhood essentially end at 6 and to serve as an emotional parent in one’s family from that young age. Again, this was my experience given circumstances that resulted from everyone in my family doing the best they could at the time. This is not about blame. It has never been about blame. It has always been a search. Solely a search for true understanding.
Everything in my life after that point was affected by this experience – EVERYTHING. If no one truly understood that experience than no one truly understood me. That pain was unbearable to the extent of leading to suicidal thoughts in high school. It is during those times when one vows – or at least this one did – that I would do anything I could to help make it so not another soul would feel such deep, emotional loneliness.
I now know that my continued focus on this effort to convince and show others is exactly what perpetuated it. My attention on it fed it and kept it alive. (There will be much, much more on the idea of focus in future posts). What I tried to imagine 2 nights ago – for what seems like the millionth time – is the level of positive energy I will feel when one – just one person – will fully understand any one of the many experiences of my past for which I never found it. What I’ve learned in this new game of life is that I haven’t yet been able to come close to envisioning how powerful the positive energy is when a particular dream comes true. As great as I have imagined other things will feel…when they have come true over the past 18 months, each time I am blown away by the fact that the feeling is 10-1000 times grander than what I could have imagined to be the best possible one! It has been ridiculous! Well, this desire to be understood…it’s a doosie and every once in awhile, for some silly reason, I sub-consciously decide that I am going to go to the place where I focus on the absence of it. Never exactly an exercise resulting in positive emotion.
The difference between now and just a few months ago is that I am no longer waiting on it & monitoring its lack. I have made peace with all from my past and no longer await that particular acknowledgment/understanding from a specific person. Nope – not any longer – not from anyone regarding anything. Everything happened exactly as it was meant to happen. But I know that this understanding is coming from someone in my future. It could be someone from my past reemerging in my life or it could be someone I’ve not yet met. The details matter not. All that matters is the knowing & the believing.
A huge part of my company is fulfilling that vow I made during all those dark times. To follow is a list of the life experiences I’ve had for which I know the unique, vibrational energy. THAT is the understanding we are seeking. I believe there is a unique energy with certain life experiences that I think people share – I think it is how our connections – specifically, the strength of our connections – are in part, determined. It isn’t exact but I feel there is range of emotions associated with specific life experiences. If two people are both anywhere within that range, their energies connect uniquely on this experience.
Take childhood divorce. You must have experienced this to be able to even remotely understand someone else’s experience with it. Yet, within that similar experience of childhood divorce, there is a massive range of combinations of the experience details – custody arrangements, remarriages, siblings, holiday details, etc. The more details 2 people have in common, the greater the ability for them to be able to help one another move through the emotions if either hasn’t yet done so. I believe that I can provide to others – through my stories and my writing & speaking – that understanding – that energetic validation for many different life experiences.
The following is just a partial list. See how many experiences you share with me & ask yourself (for those that know me) if you believe that correlates with your assessment of our connection. Whatever “strength” you assign to our connection is completely up to you – only you can decide. But see if it adds any clarification to a particular feeling you get when around me. This is just a list (in paragraph form) of the experiences themselves. We won’t yet visit all the specific emotional issues that generally result from all of these experiences or the common coping mechanisms. I know – and if you have experienced any of the following things, you too know – that many if not all of these, one cannot fully understand unless they’ve gone through it themselves. And if you haven’t gone through any of these…well, I guess for now I just encourage you to never judge anyone because you just don’t know their stories. You have no idea what obstacles they have had to overcome. With that said…here we go:
Continued in the next post...
Dedicated to Thomas at the Peet’s in Fremont, WA. Tonight he became the first new person I publicly told (face-to-face) about my writing. He pleasantly asked how my day was going. I said, ‘Amazing, how about yours?’. After replying, he made a few more comments and then inquired why my day had been so great. When I explained that I had had an incredible day creatively with my writing he further inquired. He asked for the name of my company and would you believe I didn’t have my business cards on me? I had my first order of cards sent here but haven’t handed a single one out yet. Thomas became the first one to whom I would have given one, but I am a moron. Then, I went to write down the website only to discover I didn’t have a pen. Seriously? Thank you Thomas for reminding me that opportunities are everywhere all the time & that I most definitely should never not have my cards again. Thanks also for putting the cherry on top of my already amazing chocolate sundae day!
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