“Before success comes in any man’s life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do. More than five hundred of the most successful men this country has ever known told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them.”
― Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich
Ignoring the gender bias above, I can now personally attest to the absolute truth of Mr. Hill’s words. Actually, I suppose I won’t technically be able to do so for at least a few weeks as my “greatest success” is still to be. However, I did manage to survive two of the most challenging weeks of my life. Very different than anything I have ever experienced before – much like my entire life has been for the past 31 months. As with music & words, I have been learning that emotions also have infinite combinations. Beautiful, to be sure, but impossible to prepare yourself for once you’ve opened your heart to them all.
I’ve never consciously gone after a dream. Never, until now. Mostly because I don’t think we are encouraged in the old paradigm to do so. As a former middle school teacher, I can share from direct experience that our institutions are squishing the entire concept out of our youth at younger & younger ages. And if you are an adult with a dream? That is about as rare as finding a couple still together after 30 years. This reality is all we need to point to in order to understand why the world is seemingly as deranged as it is. We have stopped dreaming. And when you stop dreaming, you stop imagining, you cease creativity, causing innovation and genius to disappear.
During the past 6 months, I have gained tremendous respect for anyone and everyone who has ever truly ventured out of the mainstream world to any extent. Most especially, for those who have done so when only they believe in what they are pursuing. The surety you feel allows you to soar above it all when you are in the zone. Fall out of the zone, however, and fall back victim to the bull shit of today’s paradigm and you feel crazy as a mad scientist.
More than anything, sheer exhaustion made me weak & vulnerable to the very real stresses placed in my path 3 weeks ago. I was working pretty much every waking hour for 2 weeks trying like hell to get to the point where I could unveil all that has been in motion since November. But in the new Game, you cannot force what is not yet ready to be. I hit a wall and I hit it hard.
Now when this happens, though, I know. I know there is a much bigger reason for the pause. I know that in these circumstances, I had forgotten to balance myself so the Universe is simply assisting me in regaining this very necessary component of life. The Universe is certainly telling me something when things get this bonkers. I just needed to decide if I was going to listen this time or wait for the inevitable next time if I chose to ignore. And I listened…boy, did I ever listen, hear, and learn this time.
I have been very determined to bring to light the next phase of my company for the single reason of having “proof”. Even this “proof” will end up inviting more judgement & criticism than support from some. For others, it will be all they need to see & understand what I’ve been yapping about all these months. And for others still, it will all remain to appear to be too airy-fairy & woo-woo for their liking or for their support. All of this & more is completely okay. It is understandable and it is okay.
This pause was for me to prepare to be okay. I have to be okay with any and every reaction. I have to be okay with the fact that some will react while others will not. I have to be okay with the fact that some will react positively & supportively while others will not. I have to be okay with the fact that some of my relationships will change and some will not. I have to be okay with the fact that some relationships will prove to have had their time…at least for now…and it will be up to me to move on. And therein lies what has been tripping me up for the past months. My entire life I have struggled tremendously with letting go. But…it is time to let go of what doesn’t serve me positively in this endeavor and it took me some weeks (this time around) to come to grips with being okay with this too.
In my old story, even if it was “bad” I held on because it was something. It wasn’t the dream I imagined but it was something. Something was better than nothing & I didn’t have experience with anything else to know the difference. I never felt I had a choice before. I gave and gave and gave in every relationship…in every job…in every task I undertook. And often, I accepted very little in return due to my lack of personal self-worth. I took the scraps. I took every morsel I could get. But I no longer need to settle for morsels. This girl has finally matured into the woman who recognizes that she deserves more.
I deserve people in my life as real as I am. I have many, many of these folks in my world right now and those relationships are the ones upon which I will focus. I had habitually been doing the opposite. Trying to hold on to people and relationships where I was holding responsibility for more than my share. Finally I see and understand that if I stay in those relationships waiting for the other to pick up their share and complain and be unhappy as I wait, then I’m the idiot. Because we have the control. We have the final say. WE can always be the one to walk away.
It doesn’t have to be ugly. It doesn’t have to be mean. Sometimes it may need to be & if so, don’t judge yourself. Each & every relationship is unique so depart with love in whatever way you can. Be appreciative & grateful for all the hurt and pain from which you now free yourself. Because often your greatest growth has resulted from the most painful relationships and experiences of your life. Embrace them and embrace those who shared in them. That is all you can do to reach the peace that we all seek. As I said above…I listened…I heard…I learned.
I was holding on. I have been holding on. I thought it was gone…the pain of my past. Even my most recent past. But my “stuckness”, which this time, manifested in exhaustion and illness told me that I was still holding onto something. And after 2 1/2 weeks…I can say it was just general hurt. I love with ALL my heart in ALL my close relationships. And I demonstrate & communicate that love. I always have and I always will. That is all I know. But, for many from my past this has been too much. Up until recently, this has opened me up to great amounts of pain in my life. Again, I didn’t realize what I was doing. Seeking from others what they could not yet give. I wasn’t completely conscious of all of this until just months ago so it still hurts when it seems something has ended or when it becomes quite obvious that it needs to end.
My heart feels the pain very deeply. But I’ll take it…ALL of it! Because when you can learn to transcend the pain of love, this is some of the most powerful fuel that exists. Love does hurt but you don’t have to focus on that part of it. Feel it but then go find the positive side of it that also surrounds you. Quite often, citizens of this country do not need to look far to find ridiculous amounts of love. We are in the top 1% of the world in our luxuries even if our bank accounts have far less than millions. We have plenty upon which we can focus to feel how fortunate we are. Plenty. We simply need to choose to focus there.
I always forget how good this feels…to come back into the zone after being out of it for a little while. Because you see…you feel…you know…that everything is perfect. Exactly as it is today…everything is perfect. I have all I need right here with me to continue in this adventure. Most importantly, I have friends reminding me every day of the single thing I need to do to proceed…love & nurture myself. My vision only gains clarity, momentum, and power with love. When aligned with that love, the challenge of communicating my vision subsides drastically. The trust in myself returns allowing for the flow of the entire process.
No one can yet see fully what it is that I have envisioned. Few can believe me without “proof”. VERY few can support me without knowing what it is they are supporting. My character. My values. My life. None of that seems to matter much. It is only about what can be seen & recognized. I get it. I truly do. But, I cannot express how unbelievably difficult this has been.
Imagine for a moment that you have an idea that very well could change the world. Not guaranteed, of course, but just like any other idea out there, it has a chance to do so. Imagine that no one – not even your closest friends completely understand the complexity of what is in your mind. And imagine feeling that mainstream paradigm pressure of having to convince others. Imagine that you have to try to convince others that your vision isn’t crazy & all you have is words with which to accomplish this. Words, which barely scratch the surface and yet that is all you have. Imagine the madness that you may begin to feel if you stay in that world for too long…the world of trying to convince as opposed to the world of doing your best and trusting. Ahhh…another enormous lesson of this near defeat. Do my best and trust – remembering that is all that is required.
What remains is tying everything about which I’ve been writing together. It still will not be clear to many but at least I will have “proof” that I am actually working. The question of ‘what has Alyson been doing for the past 6 months’ will have an observable answer. It will now be a bit easier to send your friends & family to my site saying, ‘just check it out’. It now will be much “safer” for people to support me. And if not…it is all good. I am back to doing all I need to do…believing, trusting and focusing on all of the crazy beauty surrounding me in the world I’ve created for myself in the past two years.
Fake it ’til you make it. Well, I’ve faked on this front long enough now. Universe…I AM READY! I am ready to release the idea & all its components out into the world. I am ready for whatever results. I am balanced & when I lose my way, I know that at an absolute minimum, I have the most amazing support network in my Dream Team & in my parents. That is all I need. Let’s do this!
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
“You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.” –Richard Bach (author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull)
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I’ve been feeling a bit stressed about the fact that I haven’t posted in almost two weeks. I wanted to give a very brief update explaining why that has been the case. Two weeks ago I found out, quite unexpectedly, that plans to rent the entire home in which I was living fell through. Given the nature of the work I am doing, I very much need a home to myself so I had to find a new place. As you can imagine, this was/has been a tad bit stressful. Amazingly, I found a place in just 4 days and moved in over the weekend.
I am extremely happy with the home that I found. My landlord is great, the location is perfect, and the layout is going to be ideal for all of the plans I have in motion. Unfortunately, I am wicked sick at present. I failed to follow the golden rule (taking care of yourself first and foremost) and worked myself to exhaustion so I suppose it isn’t surprising that I fell ill. Trying to recoup as we also prepare to paint the entire home in just 2 days. With any luck, I will be back into the swing of working more formally by the end of the week.
As you may or may not remember, we were preparing to launch the next phase of things right before I received the news of having to move. We have approximately 50 new web pages that will be active upon this next step. It is quite cumbersome & the writing of the corresponding blog posts is probably some of the most challenging writing I will have done yet. I am very eager for this release but know now that I need to continue to be patient – it will be finished when it is finished. I had never in my life experienced the exhaustion that I felt over the past 10 days. I learned many incredibly valuable lessons & was reminded that all I am attempting to do will be in vain if I do not take care of myself first.
I thank you all for your continued support and very much look forward to revealing all that is in progress.
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This is going to sound however it sounds but I know…I know that many in my life – some who are reading, many who are not – are terrified that I am “right”. You are scared shitless that all the woo-woo that has been coming out of my mouth in the past 2 1/2 years may actually be the real deal. Those of you who know me best are some of the most scared right now. Why? Because you know I am going to make this work. You KNOW me. You will not be able to deny the rationale, the truth, the logic, and the possibility of this idea I’ve created…of this company I’ve begun. And you know that somehow, someway, I will make it work because it has merit and I am me.
But…if I am “right” that means I have actually done what I’ve been claiming all along. That means I have used all I know and all I am to create a brand new, different way of discovering your own greatness beginning with my own. This is NOT ego! This is about reaching our individual, unique potentials – it is about maximizing our biggest resource on Earth – our people!! My only desire, my only goal, my only inspiration with all of this…is to continue striving to reach my own full potential and to aid in any way I can the many others out there doing the same for themselves. This isn’t about me. This is about all of us. It is time for all of us to come together and believe in something new. How in the world can you not want to believe in all the good and positive of which I’ve been writing? I don’t need you to believe. YOU need you to believe.
If right now, you have anything less than 100% self-love & self-acceptance, to some extent, when you read the following post & see the new web page, some part of you will automatically wish I fail (whatever that means or however you think that looks). It isn’t conscious. It isn’t something you are aware of…most of you. It is an AUTOMATIC response based on the fact that there are thougths you have repeated to yourself time and time again about how not worthy you are. How you are still not good enough. And when we are faced with something that makes us feel ‘less than’ we go into that mode automatically. Our egos are trained very well and they act opposite to what we know we really want to feel. I know this because for 25 years I was on the end thinking of something less than supportive of someone I loved.
I am going to use an example from an area most painful to me in my life…my life-long (up until very recently) battle with my body image. For years…YEARS…if a woman in my life that I loved – an aunt, a cousin, a friend, a teammate, my mom – came into a room and upon seeing them my initial reaction was, ‘Damn…she looks awesome!’…it took only about 2 seconds before my extreme lack of self-love made me automatically begin to pick her apart. Try to find a flaw. And it wasn’t limited to physicality. I would remind myself of a struggle that person was having in their life. See…so there…she isn’t perfect…her life isn’t perfect.
I am not proud of these thoughts. So many negative thoughts that were prompted by how little I valued & loved myself…at my core. How could I have thought those things for so many women that I loved? How could my darkness have been so heavy that I couldn’t lift it out of the way for just a minute…just 10 seconds to say to that woman what I really felt which was, “You look awesome!”. How would THAT energy have affected us both? Instead…it was all these negative thoughts…negative energies moving between us – because chances are…she was thinking the same about me. Can you imagine how things may change if we reversed this energetic pattern? If we went to the positive instead of the negative?
Bubbling to the Surface –
Woodburning Art by Kelly Johnston
Because I know…I know I am not the only one out there who has done this. And we all know it extends far beyond physical. That is our favorite and has been for years – especially with us ladies – we got that one mastered. Just think about that wasted energy for a second – think about, in your own life, how much time you have spent picking apart yourself or someone else for not having the ‘perfect’ body. Then, remember that this judgement, based on lack of self-love, goes way beyond that. It is why as soon as you reach a certain level of happiness or a certain level of “success” some people in your life start feeling uncomfortable. You are now approaching their ceilings that they have set for themselves. And while you are simply trying to tell them (with words or with the example that is your life) that the ceiling is arbitrary and can go on infinitely into the sky, they are busy trying to find any flaw in what you are doing.
I am not working to convince anyone of anything. You all can believe that or not. I am here for something much, much bigger. I am here simply to help you all remember exactly as I have remembered. I am here to challenge you to get real with yourself. Because this is the truth. You do create your own reality. You are doing it right now. And you can create ANYTHING for your life that you dream. WE can create anything for our world that we dream. WE are our only limitations. More specifically, our minds…our beliefs…our thoughts. It is THAT simple. Change your thoughts…change your life! Change your life…change the world!!
When you read the next post and see the new web page, I am only asking you be conscious of when your thoughts go negative. Don’t do it. Just don’t allow yourself to pick apart all the reasons this won’t work. Why it is crazy. Why it will never succeed. Please. Not for my sake – I am going to be just fine on this venture – for your own sake. Those are just reactions that you can change if you are willing to do the work. Because if you know me, how can you do anything but support all that I have been saying? Honestly? I may annoy people. I may frustrate you. I may drive you nuts. However, NO ONE in my life will ever claim that Alyson Noune is, ever has been, or ever could be 1) Mean or 2) Untrustworthy. So…
What if she is “right”? What if she has managed to create something that may actually work? What if it makes too much sense? What if it is that easy? What does it mean if it works? What does that say about my life? What does that say about me?
Just don’t think. Just let your gut react. And try to recognize what your initial reaction is before the conditioned thought patterns interfere. What does your heart tell you about all I am going to reveal?
I am not trying to make anyone feel ‘less than’. I am trying only to inspire you to be more than! This is just my role in the Game right now. To lead us into ‘more than’.
Get ready for EVOLT!
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Ahhh…the most quiet, the most elusive, the most private of the Dream Team…Chris. However, Chris also happens to have been one of my biggest inspirations when I was first living here in Sarasota 4 1/2 years ago. My perspective on many things changed as a result of my friendship with him. This will most certainly be challenging to share as little as I can to respect his privacy but to reveal how much this man has positively influenced my life.
I first met Chris in early November of 2008. It was his first day on the farm. I had only been there a couple months myself but I had observed already that the first day at the farm was often the last one if a potential new employee didn’t get a bit of a heads up on the very unique work environment that defines Jessica’s Stand. Me being me, I often was the one to provide the head’s up. Plus, I was still stoked about being able to share the fact that I could now identify 11 types of lettuce & about a dozen other crops I didn’t even know existed prior to my work experience at the farm. I wanted another newbie with whom to share my silly excitement.
Chris was quiet but the depth of his soul spoke volumes. And as I quickly learned, farm work at Jessica’s was intensely spiritual. Every person that works there is absolutely energetically drawn to do so. No one’s path is crossing accidentally at Bill Pischer’s farm…no one’s. Chris was quiet so at first we didn’t exchange a lot of words, (or at least he didn’t…I’m sure I did whether he wanted to hear them or no) but his energy and mine were most certainly connecting.
I didn’t begin to really get to know Chris until a couple of months later. He ended up moving on from the farm in early January, but I still would bring him some produce each week. Usually, it was late on Saturday night. I would leave Nicole’s and head to Chris’s place. On the nights he was there, that is when I learned the story of the strongest soul I know in my life today.
I witnessed in Chris, via his story, the absolute weakness and the absolute strength of the human spirit and what it is capable of doing when it is focused and driven by love & what happens when love is absent. This man, against great odds, had made his way back to town to help raise his now 12-year old son. I just admired the hell out of him. The courage and the perseverance it took as he continued to balance the following of his heart with the responsibilities of being a father given the many obstacles he had in his path. He had many chances to throw in the towel and he didn’t. He just kept pushing through, taking life day-by-day.
Again, not accidentally, I was meeting Chris as I unknowingly prepared to enter my darkest days. He had just awoken from his. Not a coincidence. His story gave me great strength. In fact, from that point on, whenever I have found myself in the depths of my dark place, I think of Chris. I think about how much worse he had survived and slowly, I would be able to bring perspective back to my own situation. However, on more than one occasion, in fact as recently as when I was in Seattle, I’ve called Chris when I haven’t been able to calm myself. No fuss. He just knows how to help balance the validation I’m seeking for whatever I am feeling and the remembering that nothing is that big a deal. He is just an incredible friend, whose spirituality has guided his life and influenced mine tremendously.
While living here in ’09-’10, I was investigating a lot of different faiths. I went to some Quaker meetings, I attended 2 services of the Mennonite Church (another farmhand was the youth pastor there), and through Chris, I had my first experience with Buddhism. He had found the chanting done by this particular sect to be very helpful in his healing. It most definitely resonated with me from the very first night. It was tribal and I found it to be very powerful. Despite not chanting regularly with the group, I do so on my own at least a few times a week and will forever have Chris to thank for introducing me.
As far as Chris’s role in all of “this”. Along with Nicole, he has seen it all. Chris knows my extremes unlike very few. Many have witnessed the highs, but the lows always scared most other folks away. Not Nicole. And not Chris. He has a very calm, collected, wise demeanor. Completely opposite, of course, from my own. Whenever I am in a room with him, he calms me. He doesn’t get rattled. His energy is just one that knows. He never judges. He just does his thing. Respects others. Asks very little. And tries to do right by himself and by his son.
Like me, I sense Chris has not really yet allowed himself to live life. This Light stuff can take some getting used to when you’ve told yourself for so long it didn’t exist. This power of creating your own world…it is no small thing for it is very real. This is why so many run from it. As Chris continues to believe that he is in fact deserving of every single positive thing in his world, parts of him are going to come alive that have laid dormant for years.
He is an aspiring photographer. He has been on a farm for a lot of his life, so growing food seems to be a calling. He enjoys music, art and travel. His sense of humor is quick and very witty. When it comes to hands-on problem solving, Chris is extremely resourceful & creative. He has profound insight when he decides to share. And has a network of friends all over the country. I can’t wait to see what areas Chris decides to pursue as more and more opportunities fall into his path. There is no doubt in my mind about the strength of his light. He has empathy & understanding for the experiences of many others out there who just need a break for that necessary change to take place in their life. Chris may end becoming that break for a lot of deserving people who are being missed by a broken system.
I trust Chris with anything in my life. I am incredibly grateful for his friendship and for all he represents in terms of an example of healing and rebalancing. I am most especially appreciative of the opportunity our relationship has been for me to grow in terms of remembering there is only one love. Different energetic connections but only one love connecting us all. Chris has helped me learn that love doesn’t need to be this crazy-ass, four-letter word that we all get stumped on because of labels and definitions and constrictions on what we think it needs to be or not be. I love the way that our two energies connect and hope I provide just a fraction of the positivity in his life that he has brought to mine. I love that he is a part of this as it comes into being. Without this man’s guiding light 4 years ago, I would not be here in this place I am today. Thank you so much, Chris. It really is time to have some fun!
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