In early 2002, I was at another very low point in my life. I came upon Dr. Phil’s book, ‘Self Matters’. There are exercises within the book and here is a response I typed out to one of his questions. Again…this was back in March of 2002, over 11 1/2 years ago. I happened to fall upon this (one of VERY, VERY few written things from my past that I brought with me from Seattle last year) as I grabbed my passport from a file that happned to contain these writings. I will say again … Everything is connected. There are no coincidences or accidents.
Dr Phil: “What do you really believe about yourself at the core of your existence? What is the story you really live? What are the truths that instinctively guide how you behave? How would you describe yourself? What is your personal truth? Be candid. Be honest”
Alyson’s response: written on 3/3/02
‘I believe that I am an extremely fortunate person. I believe that God has blessed me with some incredible gifts. He has blessed me with intelligence, energy, athleticism, the ability to get along with people of all ages, a sense of incredible work ethic, a desire to give back to our society, and an ability to inspire and motivate others.
I believe that up until my college graduation, I lived up to my potential as a human being. I took all of my gifts and I pushed myself to exceed even my own expectations. And I believe that up until college graduation this was an easy task. I simply did what anyone at my age is supposed to do and then some. I went to school, I did my best. I played sports, I did my best. I volunteered, I did my best. I was part of groups and I did my best. It was easy for the most part, very enjoyable. Then, I joined the “real world” and all of a sudden was a lost soul no longer sure of anything I was doing.
I lost all passion because my day-to-day living no longer meant anything to me – there was no purpose. Everything that helped define who I was before was gone – school, sports, and my groups. And whatever job I have had since then has been nowhere near anything that I have ever been passionate about. Slowly, I have regressed to an individual who I am no longer proud to be.
I am not an over-achiever anymore because I don’t know where to focus my efforts. I feel as if any help I give to others is so false because my life is nothing of an example of what I preach. I have the lowest self-esteem of my life and no longer have any realm of confidence to fall back on – whereas I always had my school and my athletics to fall back on before.
I know that everything is still inside me – that I still have all the potential in this world to make the difference that I so desire to make. I feel inhibited. I am afraid as to what breaking out of this inhibition would mean. Does it mean leaving my husband because I truly believe that he is bringing me down? How could I have married someone who is so unlike me? I truly believe that I don’t want someone completely similar to me, but he doesn’t even believe in achievements – in pushing yourself to accomplish all you can – be all you can be. Could he be the main reason for my losing touch with who I really am?
No…I cannot blame someone else – least of all the man I am supposed to love with all of my heart. I cannot live much longer this unhappy – I simply cannot. I have to get my life back. I know that I am wasting away right now – wasting my gifts, my time, my everything. Again, I am just not sure where to go nor what to do to get me back or to discover who I am. I just know this for sure.
I do believe in reaching your full potential as a human being – that is why we are here. I believe in doing things to help make this world a better place – that our lives are more than just about ourselves. I believe in giving back, in spreading some kind of positive energy in this world. I honestly believe that God meant for me to be someone important and meaningful in this world. I do not know specifically how or why or what I am supposed to do, but my life is a hell of a lot more than what I am currently living. I just need some help in finding out what it is I should be doing.’
10/3/13
You better believe I have a story worth sharing.
We can change the world. I have an enormous running start and am looking for teammates.
Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by Wordpress