The second of two very old written correspondences found from my past is a letter I sent to my best friend regarding what, at the time, was the most difficult decision of my young life. Much like with my other find from early last week – my USF Honors Program Application Essay – what I write here is uncanny in its relevancy to my life at present.
Again, completely improbable that I would 1) have this with me here in FL given that only 5% of my personal writings from my past are here with me and 2) that I would happen to find it last week, after being here 8 months, as I was again eye-to-eye with defeat. First, just a tiny bit of the background of the situation.
November 2, 1995 – Tampa, FL…a competitor and an athlete to my core. A lover of the game of basketball. And someone who only knew herself as a student-athlete. But unhappiness existing at such high levels that I no longer could deny what needed to be done. Then…the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had to quit. For my own health – mental, emotional, and physical – I had to quit. This was to be my last day of practice and only me and my teammate, Amelia, knew it. Best practice of my short career due to no longer having any fear.
Other than changing the names for purposes of privacy, this is exactly what I wrote to my best friend.
November 17, 1995
Dear Bruce,
Don’t worry – this is going to be brief. I assume Christine by now, has given you the news about my recent basketball decision. You know, Bruce, I discovered something kind of crazy that can be applied to almost everybody’s life. One of the hardest things, by far, to do in your life, is to have the courage and the strength to act on and follow through with an action which both your mind and heart tell you is the best thing for you. You can get accustomed very quickly and very easily to a routine – even if the routine is something you should be loving, but instead is making you absolutely miserable. Having the title of a “South Florida women’s basketball player” may not have seemed that impressive, but it was something that allowed me to stand out over thousands of other students. By having the strength to step away from something as big as this, (and believe me…giving up a 5-year full-ride scholarship was no easy decision) may seem on the outside to be giving up a lot – a title, an identity, an honor – but, in actuality, I have opened the doors to all kinds of opportunities that I never could see clearly while caught up in my routine! Yes, it is very hard and it takes a lot of fearlessness. Sometimes I feel like a big part of me has been stolen. What I seem to forget is that it is that part of me that I saved from being stolen. It is ironic…I just signed the papers officially giving up my scholarship. Exactly two years ago today I was sharing my first contract with you and signing it! Now, I’m sharing the day again with you on which my life takes another turn. Have the courage and strength, Bruce, to do the best thing for you! When you take care of you and your happiness, everything else somehow seems to fall in the right places! I miss you – I love you!
Love, Alyson
Truly incredible. Wow! To find this now…to remember ALL that happened next in my life as a result of quitting…EVERYTHING changed. The entire course of my life shifted dramatically and I was the one that took control back. I took back my own life at the risk of being labeled one of the absolute worst nouns in the entire English language for an athlete…a quitter. There are no words to describe the anguish I felt as I alone wrestled with this decision. Because on top of this situation, just months prior, the most important friendship in my world had ended. The manner in which it took place destroyed my heart & crushed my soul. I no longer had in my life the person most responsible for guiding me the previous 5 years. At a time when I thought & felt terribly lost, how beautiful to see that I was anything but. I was the only one that could make this decision for myself and I did it! What is more remarkable is how and why I veered so quickly away from this confidence. There are just so many stories.
I also want to take this opportunity to begin to point out small, seemingly minor “coincidences” from my stories. Why? Because they are anything but incidental. The significance of this November 17th date, two years apart. The fact that of hundreds of copies of letters, I had THESE two with me here in FL. The timing of my finding of them – as I work to identify the essence…the core of my work at this point. And…how about this? Next weekend I am hosting a reunion of sorts with about a half dozen of my former South Florida basketball teammates.
I’ve had the gathering in mind for months but just reached out to begin coordinating during the first week of March. I found these letters after I initiated planning. Accident?! Absolutely not! This is just another example of confirmation & validation. I’ve been trying to explain this magic for almost 2 years now. My friends at Microsoft poked fun of me ALL the time – “Everything has meaning in Aly’s world.”. Yep! Everything has meaning in all of our worlds. And when you begin to slow down and take notice in your own life, you too will begin to understand the limits of our present world that are just waiting to be blown out of the water! It is truly time to let it all just speak for itself. I only need to continue to do exactly as I am doing. Living and sharing with all of my heart. This really is just the beginning.
Get ready for EVOLT!
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